


P.S I Love You

by Pinkstationfrerard



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexuality, Fluff, High School, Longing, M/M, Misunderstandings, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-04-23 04:26:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4863080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinkstationfrerard/pseuds/Pinkstationfrerard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liking your best friend is tough. High school is tough. And to top it off, not fitting in or accepting yourself is pretty tough, too.</p><p>... And here is the story of a not-so-simple high school AU featuring trans!Tyler and ace!Josh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Really Got A Hold On Me

 

“Josh? A little help here?” Tyler half-whimpered, his face pulled into a tight grimace. He could hear Josh laughing at him, the asshole- he’d insisted on moving his drum set from his room to the garage so he could worry less about all of the racket he was making, but Tyler still didn’t know why that involved him. Granted, they spent practically every minute together regardless of whether or not they were in school, but lifting heavy things wasn’t exactly Tyler’s forte. Basketball wasn’t the best for muscle-building.

Tyler groaned under the weight of the large bass drum, both of his arms barely wrapping around half of the instrument. It slowly started to slip from his grasp, and the only thing that saved it from tumbling to the ground was the lugs on the side that provided a big of grip to the smooth, circular surface.

 “Sorry, sorry.” Josh grunted, his hands brushing Tyler’s and the heavy weight of the bass drum suddenly a lot lighter. Stupid strong drummers and their capable arms.

 Josh spent a couple of minutes rearranging the set with tender, loving touches, as if he was handling a newborn baby and not a drum set that was meant for hitting and smashing and other assorted loud noises. It was quite endearing, actually, the way Josh looked at his instrument with such pride and passion.

 Josh was amazing at playing the drums- after knowing him for over a year and a half, Tyler had gotten plenty of time to listen to Josh do what he truly did best. He dabbled in piano, ukulele and a bit of writing himself, but he was nothing compared to Josh. In his own opinion, at least. Josh would definitely say otherwise.

 He was a bit quiet to people who didn’t know him and always very humble, but once Josh opened up to Tyler he saw a whole new world inside of his personality. It was sparkling and bubbly and everything Tyler needed to truly feel comfortable with another human being who never doubted the validity of his existence for a second.

 Maybe it was easier being friends with someone who didn’t know he was trans after Tyler had lost all of his old friends when he came out. In result, he’d found better people like Josh, but it still struck a sense of fear into Tyler’s heart when he thought about being completely honest with him, no matter how much he trusted him. His other friends had somewhat known him since the start of high school and they stuck by him when he started transitioning, but Josh hadn’t moved schools until a year later.

It wasn’t like it mattered much, anyways. They were best friends and nothing could change that. Nothing could change the way Tyler felt his heart warm up when they played video games on Josh’s bed and the way Tyler yearned when he saw the real Josh- the Josh that wasn’t pretending to be anyone else, the Josh that was sweet and genuine and totally perfect. If perfect meant that he was a  somewhat flawed human being like every other person on the planet was. Josh was just... one of the good ones, the kind and understanding ones.

Tyler knew his crush was hopeless, so it didn’t hurt him too much when he forced himself to push it to the side so he could be a good friend to Josh. They were friends and nothing more- Tyler didn’t even know if Josh liked anyone in a non-platonic way. He never opened up about crushes except his one ex-girlfriend, Debby, and even then he didn’t have much to say about her except that things ended mutually when she moved schools and that they still talked sometimes.

He was fine with what they had because it was still the best thing Tyler could’ve ever hoped for.

Josh cracked a smile once he felt satisfied with his arrangement, and he motioned Tyler back into the house without bothering to test out his new setup. Most likely because it was extremely loud and Josh was too nice to force Tyler through that after he’d mentioned he had a headache while they were walking to Josh’s house. He had an insanely good memory, apparently, but only when it came to Tyler. Everything else (namely, homework and chores) totally went one ear and out the other and it never got done. Tyler had to force him to stay on track, even when all he wanted was to marathon X-Files with Josh and bro-cuddle.

Tyler followed him into the kitchen and settled down onto one of the high chairs as Josh dug through the fridge. He rose a minute later, victorious with a soda in each hand.

 “Wanna take turns playing Bioshock?” He offered with a cute little tilt of his head and a quirk of his eyebrows.

“You’re on.” Tyler said with a nod. He slid out of the chair and walked in stride with Josh to his room, closing the door after himself and flopping onto Josh’s bed with a sigh.

Josh walked over to his computer monitor that hooked up to his X-Box on the desk past the edge of his bed and turned it on to set up the game. Tyler, in turn, got comfortable under Josh’s dark blue blanket and took a moment to close his eyes and yawn. He was sleepy-tired and snuggly instead of cranky and sleep deprived, luckily, and it felt like heaven to bundle himself up in the covers and space out until Josh joined him on the bed.

“Tired? You wanna just sleep?” Josh said with a twinge of genuine concern in his voice, like he was the one stopping Tyler from his apparent one true desire of passing out in his bed for a good, old-fashioned power nap when they were supposed to be interacting with each other.

 “Nah, I’m good. I wanna play, I’ll nap later.” Tyler reassured him before grabbing the bright red controller. He scooted back on the bed so he was leaning against a stack of matching indigo pillows, his thigh brushing Josh’s and their feet occasionally knocking together. It was relaxed and fun and perfect like how hanging with Josh pretty much always was. They got competitive with how many splicers they could kill in the course of five minutes, and Tyler ended up claiming victory. First-person shooters just weren’t Josh’s thing like how they were for Tyler.

 After the soda-induced sugar rush faded away and they got tired of playing Bioshock, Tyler could feel himself slowly drifting off in the warmth of the room and with the comfort of Joshua Dun the portable body pillow. Tyler shamelessly wrapped his limbs around the bright candy apple red haired boy and closed his eyes, stifling a yawn by shoving his face in Josh’s collarbone. Forget being weird about touching hands or long hugs, Tyler was totally fine with any contact with Josh, even if it was a little more than platonic in his own eyes.

 He could live like this in the moment if it meant not having to worry about the nagging fears in the back of his mind.

 

~*~

 

“Muupphf. Josh.” Tyler grumbled as he slowly blinked open his eyes and immediately decided against it and instead shoved his face in a pillow, inhaling Josh’s scent and grasping around the bed to find his friend. He heard Josh’s voice from the corner of the room where his desk was and forced himself to emerge from his warm and slightly lonely cocoon.

 “Right here. Good afternoon, sleepyhead.” He said casually, as if he wasn’t aware that it would make Tyler blush into the bed mattress before he could pull himself up into a sitting position. Josh was doing homework, which was a rare sight indeed. He must’ve gotten bored with waiting for Tyler to wake up as well as bored with scrolling through Netflix.

 Josh spun around in his chair to face Tyler. He tucked a few stray, messy curls behind his ear and tilted his head to the side. He looked quite like a kitten with the way he moved and the expressions he made- his big, soft eyes and baby pout, his sharp and jumpy movements, and of course, Josh’s tendency to literally curl up when he slept made him seem more cat-like. It also happened to make the fact that he was a future crazy cat man even more realistic. Tyler was a dog man himself, but Josh slowly gave him a soft spot for cats until he couldn’t look at the animal the same way without thinking of his friend.

“What?” Josh asked, an amused smirk splayed on his face. Tyler realized he’d been staring and he shook himself. He did that way too often for it to be normal, but Josh didn’t seem to be anything but confused when Tyler got lost in thought while looking at him with a soft expression.

“Nothing, just thinking about how you’re essentially one big kitten.”

“I am not.” Josh pouted, but Tyler could pick out the swell of pride in his chest and the proud tone in his voice. He loved stupid pet names and anything to do with animals, which was disgustingly cute and totally on Tyler’s “Future To Do’s When Josh Is My Real Life Boyfriend” list.

Josh spun back around in his chair and took a sip out of his “World’s Best Dad” mug that he constantly jacked from the kitchen. “Having fun doing homework?” Tyler asked while he twiddled with a loose thread on his plain black hoodie. It was actually Josh’s, but he’d never asked for it back after lending it to Tyler, so he just kept wearing it long after it stopped smelling like Josh and more like a mix between the two of them. Not that Tyler was a smell master, of course, but he’d done his research and he’d spent enough time around Josh to be able to tell whether his clothes were clean or dirty. It was a little gross, but still impressive all the same.

“As if. Kendani gave us so much work for Lit, I want to rip my hair out and throw it right in his face.” Josh said in a strained voice. Tyler mumbled out a response while he got out of bed to stand behind Josh and sink his fingers against Josh’s bright firetruck red locks. He moved his fingers in small circular patterns all across Josh’s scalp, making sure to get some of his nails involved. Josh seemed to melt when Tyler scratched his head or did anything to pull on his hair, which only proved the fact that he was part cat even further.

Josh let out a low purr as Tyler massaged his scalp and occasionally tugged his hair from the roots for good measure. Josh’s eyes were fluttered shut, his dark lashes falling over the faint trace of freckles that dotted the skin on his cheekbones and space under his eyes ever-so-subtly.

Physically, Josh was absolutely beautiful, but Tyler had really grown to love his little quirk and attitude towards everything rather than his looks. He loved his shy smiles and the way he ducked his head, the calmness that resonated throughout his face when he was drumming, and of course, he loved the way Josh melted when he was touched a certain way. It was as if he got off to friendly cuddles more than anything out, which was totally adorable, if a little abnormal to Tyler’s knowledge of the human race. 

It didn’t matter anyways, since when they were together, Tyler didn’t find himself worrying about what other people did or thought, especially when it came to the two of them.

Pretty much no one had given Tyler shit besides a few shitty classmates and his old friends in freshman year, but everyone after then seemed not to care about what Tyler did, just how he liked it in a school full of so many people who seemed all too ready to judge and question him when it really wasn’t any of their business in the first place.

High school before Josh came along was always lacking something- a best friend, a genuine connection, a person Tyler could rely on to always be there and always understand. Josh was primarily that person, besides the fact that Tyler hadn’t told him everything about him that there was to know yet.

For now, though, Tyler had the present. He wanted to make sure Josh was happy above all else, no matter what, and Tyler being happy and loving was usually the key to making Josh happy in return. They were on some sort of strange connected wavelength that tied them together in mood and overall satisfaction in life. Tyler couldn’t sleep knowing Josh was anything but okay, and his best friend was the same way.

Josh was very happy with the head-massage, and he made sure Tyler knew that with a couple of delicious little moans that barely escaped Josh’s lips along with the constant pleased purr.

“Better?” Tyler asked before pulling his hands away. His fingers could only take so much scalp-scratching in one period of time.

“Mmm, yes, thank you.”

Tyler returned to the bed to turn the X-Box back on to watch Netflix. Josh joined him eventually once he’d somewhat finished his homework. They both laid down in sleepy silence until they got too hungry to stay still and mutually decided to snag some food from the kitchen before continuing their Quentin Tarantino appreciation session.

Since Tyler and Josh were sick of pizza and they couldn’t go out and get taco bell, the drummer settled on making turkey and pesto sandwiches with a slice of havarti cheese for the both of them. Josh was the ultimate domestic boyfriend type- he loved to cook (to the best of his abilities), take care of others, and his idea of a perfect date was essentially what friends did when they hung out.

So, in a way, they kind of were already dating. Tyler snickered at the thought, and Josh raised an eyebrow at him in question. It was his way of saying “what’s so funny?” without actually saying anything. “You just- well, you look like such a dad right now.” Tyler said with a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Josh grinned back at him quizzically, amusement clear on his face.

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Maybe explain a bit?”

“Well, you’re making sandwiches and you’re wearing a polo shirt. That’s totally what white dads wear, and then they always make healthy food for their kids and their wives. Or husbands. Like, seriously, are you going to bring out beer and watch the football game? Because that’s what that shirt is telling me you’re going to do.” Tyler rambled with a small smile on his face. Josh’s face was unwavering as he intently watched Tyler move his hands around as he was talking.

“Nothing else was clean!” Josh protested and crossed his arms over his baby blue polo shirt. Of course the color made Tyler feel even more validated in his point, and after a moment Josh gave in, rolled his eyes and then finished spreading the last of the pesto onto the slices of whole wheat bread. He then proceeded to cut them into cute little triangles, just like Tyler’s mom had done for him until the point where he started to pack his own lunches.

Tyler took a triangle and took a large bite, humming with a pleased tone. “Mmm, it’s great, honey. How was work today?” Tyler said with his best stereotypical dad voice.

Josh leaned over the counter, brows raised and a silver butter knife in hand. “Thanks, sugar. It was rough. Hard day at the office.” Josh played up before leaning over even further and kissing Tyler’s cheek.

The dark-haired boy did his best not to blush. It wasn’t unusual behavior from Josh, but he never faltered in the act of getting flustered when Josh got touchy-feely or fake-flirty. “I’ll make it up to you tonight, buttercup.” Tyler said sweetly back, following Josh’s torso as he walked across the counter to sit next to Tyler.

Josh’s mom chose to stroll in the kitchen before Josh could respond. Tyler said a quiet hello and nodded his head. The joke was wiped out of the room by the time Mrs.Dun left again and the two boys sat in companionable silence as they ate. They would usually eat in Josh’s room, but it tended to make Josh’s mom upset if she caught them and Tyler did his best to be as nice as possible to her since he spent the majority of the time at the Dun residence.

“Hey, Tyler, is your mom going to pick you up or do you want me to drive you home?” Mrs. Dun called from the living room next door as she approached the kitchen once again to put a couple of dirty dishes next to the sink.

Tyler swallowed and traced the grey-toned granite counter before responding. “Uh, I can text my mom, but if you could take me without it being any trouble, that would be great. Oh, please. Yeah.” Tyler said quietly accompanied with a smile. Mrs.Dun let out a soft coo and brushed away some of the hair from Tyler’s forehead to plant a brief kiss.

“You’re such a sweetheart. It’s totally fine. How about I take you back at nine? That shouldn’t be too late, right? That’ll give you boys an hour.” She said cheerfully as she put away the food Josh had left out before the redhead could protest.

“Are you sure?” Tyler asked hesitantly as he fiddled with the sleeves of his hoodie.

“Of course, honey. Just come get me when you’re ready.” Josh’s mom said. She wiped her hands on the towel that was wrapped around the oven’s handles before walking out of the room towards the couch, right where her husband was steadily typing out something most likely work-related.

“My mom loves you, dude. She’d adopt you if she could. I’m kind of jealous, it’s like you’re her favorite son.” Josh snickered as he got out of his chair to finish cleaning up and grab a glass of water. Tyler got up to help him, but Josh waved him away. “I got it, hubby.”

Tyler sat back down with a small blush creeping at his cheeks. “I’m sure that’s not true. Jordan is obviously her favorite.”

Josh huffed out a laugh and threw Tyler a playful look before wiping down the counter quickly. “You’re so mean to me. I don’t know why I married you.”

“I’m doing this for the kids.”

“I want a divorce.”

Tyler narrowed his eyes, a smirk tugging at his lips that tempted to break out into a smile. Josh seemed to have that effect on him. He got up once again to follow Josh back into his room, back onto his soft bed and the lull of violent video games to pass the time.

By the time Josh’s mom peeked into the room, Tyler had successfully killed Josh about 36 times in a Halo deathmatch- not that he was counting.

“You boys almost ready?”

“Yeah.” Josh said almost too abruptly. Tyler stuck his tongue out at him and hopped off the bed to grab his backpack and unplug his phone from where it was charging on the nightstand. Tyler seemed to be more familiar with Josh’s room than his own, sometimes. His clothes hid in corners for Josh to find later along with other traces and hints that would lead Josh to know he’d been there. An extra toothbrush in the bathroom, a pillow Tyler had brought over and never taken back home, and a couple of books for school that pretty much permanently stayed in the Dun’s residence.

Tyler loved knowing that they were _that_ close, and it seemed like everyone else noticed it, too. Josh’s sisters loved to poke and prod at their red-haired brother by making comments about them living together, when the happy announcement would be, blah, blah, blah. 

The funny thing was, Josh’s family thought he was straight to Tyler’s knowledge. Of course, they never talked about that stuff. It never came up, or maybe it just meant too much to the two.

All in all, Tyler felt like a part of the family, no matter what his place really was.

Tyler shrugged his bright red backpack on and pulled his hoodie towards his belly button when the sides got caught in the straps of his bag. Josh walked in front of him and got in the backseat with Tyler, as he always did.

Josh’s mom made light conversation on the way to Tyler’s house. Tyler busied himself with polite responses while he texted mom and ignored the warm press of Josh’s thigh against his. The car had so much room, but Josh loved to be right next to him. Most of the time, Tyler caved in and used him as a portable body pillow.

This night was no different. Tyler was starting to get tired once again, as if it was his natural state. He let his head curl and fall down into the groove in between Josh’s shoulder and chest, his favorite resting place for his head. Tyler fell into a comfortable half-sleep until Josh was tapping his shoulder, waking him up from the peaceful rest that laid somewhere in between sleep and grogginess.

“Don’t lose my hoodie. Get some sleep tonight.” Josh said quietly as he walked Tyler up his driveway. The area next to the door was illuminated by a single light, creating dramatic shadows across Josh’s face and darkening his eyes even further than they usually were.

Tyler nodded his head, unable to tear his eyes away from Josh as they stood in front of his door. “I will. You too. About the sleep thing.”

The corner of Josh’s mouth quirked in a tiny smile, and god, Tyler wanted to kiss him.

Josh leaned in, pulling Tyler out of his sleepy trance and into a warm hug that was intimate and not as brief as Tyler would have expected.

“Goodnight.” Josh whispered into Tyler’s neck before he lowered his arms back to his sides and stepped back to glance at Tyler, whose lips were parted ever so slightly, whose breath was held by a thin string or a second of time, whose arm rose to grip his backpack strap as Josh turned away and walked down the pathway through the plants Tyler’s mom had planted the previous weekend.

Tyler let out a tight exhale and waved as the car Josh and his mom were in pulled away, his chest tight and some sort of protest lingering on the edge of his tongue.

Tyler shook his head and opened the door.

 

~*~

 

“Why are you giving me that look?” Josh said immediately as he got back into the car. Tyler must’ve been extra tired that night, considering how lost he appeared when he kept staring at Josh with his mouth agape. Josh was more than happy to wrap him up in a warm hug and wish him a good night, but “goodnight” always meant goodbye and Josh didn’t like goodbyes.

He also didn’t like the way his mom held a raised brow towards him, annoyingly knowledgeable and motherly with the worry frown line engraved onto her face.

“You- you alright, honey? You just… don’t seem the same without him.”

Josh rested his cheek on his knuckles, one of his elbows settled on a ridge on the closed car door. He looked out the window quietly, watching the dark world blur by. Everything seemed so blue, so dull and peaceful yet longing for something all at once.

Or maybe it was just nighttime and Josh was lonely.

“He brings out the best in me, Ma. You know this.” Josh huffed out quietly, his eyelids drooping as he blinked slowly at the shadows passing by.

The shadows on Tyler’s face, the way he looked disappointed when Josh pulled away, the way the space around his eyes danced along with his expression as his head tilted lower.

Josh wanted to think he’d looked disappointed, at least.

“Yeah, baby. I know. I…” his mom trailed off with a sad look on her face as she concentrated on the road in front of her.

Josh turned his head and inspected his mother. He was usually good at reading her, but now, it was hard to decipher what she was thinking. “What?” he questioned calmly.

“Well…” she said, chewing on her bottom lip. “Tyler’s a very nice boy, and, well… if you wanted to date him, if you’re _already_ dating him, then that’s fine with me. You know that, right? I don’t want you keeping things from me because you’re scared or something.”

Josh paused in quiet shock. He wasn’t surprised that his mom was accepting, because he’d already known that, but he didn’t think she’d be able to notice that he liked Tyler. They _were_ best friends, after all. They were close.

He knew he’d bring a boy home at some point to meet his family, or _something_ along those lines, but he never expected to become best friends with the very person that he’d wanted to get to know and possibly date since the moment he’d seen him.

Josh remembered when he first met Tyler. He remembered the way he’d been almost too nervous to speak, the way he refused to make eye contact with anyone, the way he said his name. Josh barely remembered the way he looked back then, though. He knew Tyler wouldn’t want Josh to remember the softer curves of his body, the way his face had shifted quickly in the passing months and the way his voice dropped like some form of super-puberty.

He knew there was a reason Tyler became stiff when Josh brushed the edges of his binder, when Josh’s mom asked Tyler about his childhood, but he was going to press. He was a big advocate for letting people speak when they were ready, and Tyler seemed to need more time than Josh had anticipated.

He couldn’t help but fall in love with the individual parts of Tyler, though. His stick-thin and awkward lanky body that didn’t exactly look like it belonged with how his body seemed to want to look, his bright smile, and so many other things that brought out a completely different side in Josh. Tyler seemed to wipe away the quiet, closed of version of Josh, the side of him that seemed to feel too much or too little.

With time, Josh learned to turn off the part of his mind that nipped at his insecurities like a pack of wolves. Most of them were things to do with Tyler, which was contradictory, but Josh wouldn’t have it any other way. He’d never really come to terms with who he was, but still- time. He needed time.

His mom didn’t seem like she was in a rush for answers, and Josh didn’t know how he was supposed to give them. He sat for a minute in silence, trying to think about what he actually _did_ feel without repressing anything important.

“I don’t think I could keep something like that from you, Ma. I wouldn’t want to, but I do like him. I really do. I love him, but I like him, too, if that makes any sense.” Josh near-mumbled as he sat up and fiddled with his fingers in his lap nervously. He was a naturally anxious and twitchy person- one of the many reasons why he played the drums- but it also resulted in making admitting feelings hard when he couldn’t keep his hands from shaking or his damn leg to not jiggle nervously like a lightning-fast kick drum to his heart.

His mom hummed in agreement. “I know, sweet pea. It’s okay. If it makes you feel any better, I’m sure he likes you too.”

Josh mumbled some form of protest to disagree with her, when in reality he really didn’t know _what_ Tyler really thought of him, besides everything that was out in the open in their relationship. Josh hadn’t been completely honest and he knew _Tyler_ wasn’t, obviously, but he wasn’t sure about what that meant.

“Trust me, Josh. I know what I’m talking about.” Josh’s mom followed that sentence with a proud huff of laughter. “I was seventeen once, too.”

“Right.” Josh scoffed playfully with a dramatic roll of his eyes. His mom had to focus on pulling into their driveway, but Josh could tell that she was smiling, too.

Josh stepped out of the car and waited for his mom to get out, watching her form rise and turn to lock the door.

“I won’t bug you about it, but you know I’m right.” His mom said finally before turning towards the door and into the house, leaving Josh to trail behind and go back to his room with a “goodnight to you too, mom”.

In bed, Josh was left with too much to think about, too much to worry and daydream about. If the worrying was bad, the daydreaming was worse.

Josh usually fell asleep to the calming memory of curling around Tyler while the other boy was sleeping, just because he could get away with it and he usually shifted around in his sleep a lot anyways. When he wasn’t tired enough to fall asleep immediately, he was stuck with thinking about memories that stayed clear in his mind as well as some things that never actually happened. Tyler lighting sparklers on the fourth of july with the bright colors illuminating sparks on his lashes and delicate cheeks, the one time they held hands when walking down the street to help deal with the cold, and of course, the dream Josh once had about taking Tyler on a date that woke him up with a warm, tight feeling in his chest.

Josh would have to just enjoy being his friend, and heck, who said they couldn’t go on a platonic bro-date? Josh had plans, and he wasn’t about to let his feelings stop him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think of the story so far maybe?? :)
> 
> My tumblr: pinkstationfrerard
> 
> Thank you for reading! :)


	2. I Want To Hold Your Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Platonic bro-dates and a bit of wanting more.

 

It was a chilly afternoon in late January, with tainted snow lining the sides of the streets and Josh’s hands planted firmly in his pockets since his gloves didn’t seem to warm him enough. Tyler was dressed in a flannel with a hoodie over it, skeleton gloves, a beanie, and insulated boots, yet he was shivering to the point where Josh regretted taking him out on a platonic bro-date when it was still snowing and Tyler was still always so cold all of the time. Josh wanted to give him his own jacket, but he was cold enough already as it was. They just had to walk from the bus stop to the restaurant, anyways.

“Hey, you ok?” Josh asked gently, blinking away tiny snowflakes that fell dangerously close to his eyes. One of the white specks landed on Tyler’s nose, causing the other boy to shrink up his face and try to brush away the cold bits of snow.

“‘M good. The diner is close, anyways.” Tyler said alongside with a shiver. Josh felt even worse, then, so he was left with no choice but to wrap an arm around Tyler and hug him close to his body as they walked. He could have sworn he saw Tyler smile out of the corner of his eye, but he definitely felt the way he melted against Josh and sunk against him even in their quick strides.

They walked in comfortable silence for a few blocks until their usual diner came into view. They’d been there a couple of times already- Tyler particularly enjoyed their garlic fries, and Josh wolfed down their amazing burgers like manners didn’t exist. It was an alternative to taco bell for when they weren’t quite feeling up to the regret and shame that same after eating fast food, and Josh soaked in the warm, slightly romantic and distinctly homely atmosphere like it was somewhere that he could really belong and relax in.

Tyler looked adorable with all of his slowly weakening shivers as he sat across from Josh in the booth next to the window. Outside, snow was falling gently onto the desolate streets, leftover christmas lights illuminating the overcast sky.

It was the perfect sunday.

The day became even more perfect after a large plate of shared garlic fries, of course. Tyler ate daintily and always used napkins- not really feminine, but more cute and tidy instead. While Josh tended to be a bit of a slob and leave messes everywhere he went, Tyler was usually fairly organized. Luckily, he didn’t mind the piles of dirty clothes or the randomly placed drumsticks that littered Josh’s room.

Josh wanted to tell him how he felt more than almost anything, and the urges only got stronger the more he interacted with the boy. He felt confident and happy that day, but the nervousness still gripped him tightly and consistently every time Josh pondered how he could possibly do it.

“You almost ready to go?” Tyler asked, pulling Josh out of his focus on picking at the remnants of the ice cream they had shared. Josh had insisted on paying the bill, for some reason he couldn’t quite put a label on, and Tyler was waiting patiently with his fingers occasionally picking at his sweater.

Josh nodded. “Yeah, I just don’t wanna go home yet.”

“We don’t have to, you know.” Tyler said with a raised eyebrow, like Josh was being strange for not asking and stalling instead. “Let’s go to the record shop? It’s close.”

“Okay.” Josh smiled, sliding out of his seat eagerly and waving goodbye to the diner employees. He held the door open for Tyler, which only resulted in more cold air rushing into the restaurant and somehow making Tyler’s cheeks even pinker. Apparently the cold worked extra fast on him or something.

Tyler hummed an unfamiliar song on their way to the record store while Josh rambled on about an album he’d been meaning to buy for a couple of months. Tyler cared about what he was saying, of course, but sometimes the dark-haired boy liked nonverbal responses the most. Josh was alright with the quiet side of Tyler, as long as it wasn’t because he was sad. Luckily, he just seemed more mellow and still pretty cheerful that day from what Josh could tell.

Samuel’s Records was quaint and cheerful, always abundant with cheap old vinyls that Josh and Tyler both bought frequently to introduce both themselves and each other to new music to broaden their horizons. One of Josh’s favorite punk bands had a transgender frontwoman, and Tyler seemed to have a guilty pleasure when it came to those certain records that focused on gender dysphoria. Josh was subtle about ensuring how much he admired those types of bands, and in return, Tyler seemed to become simultaneously confused and affectionate.

“Nice, they have it!” Josh said under his breath as he held up a vinyl. “And it’s colored.”

“Against Me once again?” Tyler asked in a quiet voice that Josh wasn’t sure how to interpret. He nodded in response, clutching it to his chest. “You should listen to this one. I don’t personally relate, but the lyrics are really good regardless.”

Tyler furrowed his brows and opened his mouth to answer before closing it shut again and nodding his head. He walked to the back of the store, his posture slumped over and sad.

Josh didn’t want to pressure Tyler into “coming out” or whatever, but in all honesty, he thought he was doing his friend a favor when maybe he was just adding more stress to Tyler’s life. He knew he might have needed his distance, but Josh needed to make sure he was ok, so Josh walked over to where Tyler was fixated tiredly on a poster on the wall with dull, flat eyes.

“Are you ok, Ty?” Josh asked tentatively, one hand resting on Tyler’s shoulder. The boy stiffened under him at the contact before softening up and turning around to give Josh a gentle smile.

“Yeah, I’m ok. Let me buy you the vinyl in trade for lunch.” Tyler said as he gently squeezed Josh’s hand. He couldn’t put up a fight with stubborn Tyler, so Josh simply nodded and squeezed back before letting go before he did anything dangerous, like kiss Tyler’s forehead and tell him that everything was alright and that he’d love Tyler no matter what.

Tyler had to already know that in the back of his head, but his worried expression contradicted that belief.

They looked around the shop for a while more and gathered some new R&B CD’s to get new inspiration and possibly drum beat for before they left and trudged down the snow-littered sidewalks, the bag with both of their music hauls clutched tightly in Josh’s hand and his free arm wrapped around a cold and unusually quiet Tyler.

Josh knew not to press. He wasn’t going to. He wanted to, but he wasn’t.

Overall, their bro-date was peaceful and fun despite the silences, and other than the fact that Josh wanted to hug Tyler for more than a couple of moments after walking him home, it was nice.

“Thank you. You know, for- for everything.” Tyler said before Josh could turn away and start walking home himself. “Will you be ok on your own? Text me once you get back to I know you’re fine.”

“I promise I will. And of course, anytime.” Josh perked up with grin, pulling Tyler’s beanie on further over his messy head of bright red locks. Tyler was such a sweetheart- always lending him extra clothes for the walk back, and of course his constant worrying for his friend’s safety was both mutual with Josh and incredibly endearing.

  
“Ok. Let’s listen to our new music soon. Sorry I have chores and whatnot.” Tyler ducked his head and stared down at his feet, one foot kicking lightly against the doormat in front of his house.

“No worries. See you.” Josh said and waved goodbye before turning around and pulling his earbuds out of the pocket of his jacket so he could listen to some calming music that let him know he wasn’t crazy for feeling so strongly about one individual. After a bit of sad songs, though, Josh was beyond ready for some punk to wash away the feelings and get him pumped up for drum practice once he got home.

Eventually, the feelings he had for Tyler would go away, right?

Josh could only push the thoughts telling him that he was lying to himself to the back of his head as he walked along the frosty sidewalks back to his house, right under an overcast sky with the occasional streak of blue that was just as conflicted as he was.

 

~*~

 

Tyler wanted to believe that he was imagining things as best as he could, but he knew Josh well enough to be able to tell what he was thinking or feeling most of the time.

The music about being trans, the constant reassuring touches, the looks he threw Tyler- there was no way he didn’t know. That wasn’t what was worrying him.

Tyler was worried that admitting he was scared of who he used to be would come along with admitting everything else on his mind that he’d been suppressing for a long time.

This time, it wasn’t about the fact that he didn’t want to wear dresses, or about how uncomfortable he felt in his own skin. It was about how frightened he was of rejection, of not being good enough, not being enough of a man.

Sure, Josh didn’t seem to be an outwardly pressuring or distinctly sexual person, but Tyler just knew that if Josh really did feel the same way about him, then there would come a day where Tyler wouldn’t be able to give Josh everything he needed because he couldn’t let anyone see that part of him. He was willing to bear his soul to Josh, sure, but that wasn’t physical. Physical terrified Tyler.

Physical meant that there was no place to hide. Not under a hoodie, not through layers of clothes, not with a binder. He wasn’t sure that he could open himself up to Josh or pretty much anyone like that for a while until he could finally look in the mirror and see the boy that he’d been all along.

Maybe at some point, he knew that he wasn’t the conventional little girl that his mother and father wanted him to be, but it took until he was 14 to realize that there were words and explanations and science to back up his confusion and all of the feelings of disconnection from his body to his mind.

With time, the bridge between the two slowly started to become less far apart, but that was Tyler’s transition he was trying to come to terms with. He didn’t think Josh deserved to go through that, too, to feel any second-hand dysphoria from him.

Most of all, though, Tyler knew that showing Josh the parts of him that he can’t ever change would make them all the more real and disheartening.

He couldn’t go on living in fear, though. He had to face all of his fears head-on eventually.

Tyler hoped “eventually” was further away than he knew it was meant to be.

 

~*~

 

Tyler mindlessly scribbled down random phrases and lyrics in his notebook with a bored expression on his face, eyelids half-closed and mouth down turned into a partial frown. He was in a restless state of mind- he wanted to do something, but he had no idea what that entailed. In a situation like that, there was usually only one thing to do.

**To: Jishwa Dun**

**Dude I'm bored out of my mind come save me pls**

Tyler let out a soft sigh and returned to his notebook, waiting for the familiar buzz of his phone that he would get when Josh texted him back. As time passed, it never came, so Tyler assumed he was busy and tried to entertain himself by shooting a small basketball into the mini hoop his dad had installed a couple months ago on the other side of the room for practice.

Usually Saturday's were the best because Tyler could lay around all day doing nothing, but that day, he wanted to actually experience some of the world for once. Surprisingly, Mario Kart just wasn't doing it for him quite as much anymore.

Tyler's focused session of "kick the bed frame over and over" was interrupted by a knocking at his window. Usually, Tyler would've ignored any strange noises, but this one was loud and persistent.

"Josh?" Tyler called out and sat up properly.

"Open up already, bro." Josh called back, his amused voice muffled by the layers of Tyler's house that stood in between them.

"Christ." Tyler said under his breath, despite his mother's efforts to "stop saying God's name in vain". He was allowed some alternatives to actual swear words, thank you very much.

Josh stood smiling outside of his window, his bike parked against Tyler's house. He was wearing several layers of clothes, at least, but Tyler knew he still had to be kind of cold. It was the beginning of February in Ohio, for goodness sake. 

"Josh! Dude, you didn't have to bike here, my mom could have picked you up. Why didn't you text me back?" Tyler said while scrambling to open up his window and help Josh up and through. His friend pressed close against him as he slid ungracefully through the opening, the cold and bits of snow washing over Tyler. He smelled fresh and clean, like how it always was outside in winter when the snow mixed with the winter plants like an alternative to freshly mowed grass in the summer.

Josh ended up pushing Tyler back with the force of his body and trapping Tyler against the edge of his body, Josh’s cold form surrounding him. “That’s _cold!_ Josh!”

Tyler’s chest was also pressed to Josh’s, and it made him suddenly very uncomfortable instead of flustered when he realized that he wasn’t wearing any sort of compression of some sort. His chest had never been big to begin with, luckily, and the testosterone had decreased its size, but it was strange for someone as stick-thin as he was. Plus, he was really growing into a masculine face, so he couldn’t quite pull off an androgynous look quite anymore.

“Sorry, Sorry.” Josh chuckled under his breath and back away, taking off his big ski coat and throwing it to the floor. He closed the window after him and re-adjusted his beanie before eyeing Tyler up and down once in a brief motion. “I thought my texts sent. I didn’t want to wait around, so here I am.” Josh held his arms out dramatically for emphasis.

“Dude.” Tyler said in a concerned tone. “Aren’t you freezing cold?”

“Nah, I’m good.” Josh mumbled before rummaging through Tyler’s dresser and pulling out a scarf. “Let’s go to a movie. I’m in style now.”

Tyler cracked open a grin and rolled his eyes. “Alright. Let me change first. Why don’t you go ask my mom? She’ll probably be curious as to why you came in through my window.”

“It’s more romantic that way!” Josh called out as he walked away, closing Tyler’s door behind him.

Tyler let out a short huff of air and turned to his dresser. He managed to find a clean binder and a comfortable t-shirt to wear under his hoodie in the cold dollar theatre, and it didn’t hurt to throw on a nicer pair of jeans. Josh had looked as nice as he usually did with his pink, freckle-adorned cheeks and skinny jeans, and Tyler felt like he couldn’t ever really compete with him.

He’d spent a good portion of his life wishing that he could look like someone like Josh- gorgeous, masculine, and able to pull off pretty much any look. The truth of the matter was, Tyler had to wait a while for his curves to go away and he definitely had to start working out hard to be in shape like he wanted to be.

A large part of it that bothered Tyler was that Josh didn’t seem to realize how attractive he actually was. When Tyler complimented him, it was always returned with a sheepish grin. When one of their other friends made a comment about how all the girls wanted to get with him, Josh seemed uncomfortable. Tyler wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t believe that, or maybe just because he wasn’t into girls at all.

Tyler couldn’t help but feel jealous. At least Josh knew those girls liked him, even if it was purely physical. Tyler envied their oblivious nature- the fact that Josh was sweet and humble and always so understanding and generous made it that much harder to deal with his fawning and jealousy over the boy. Nobody else got to see that side of Josh, though. That was Tyler’s and Tyler’s only.

“Tyler?” Josh’s voice could be heard outside his door as Tyler finished tying his shoes. He opened the door and stood face-to-face with Josh. “Your mom said it’s fine. Let’s look up movies?”

“Yeah.” Tyler nodded and sat next to Josh on his bed while the redhead typed quickly on his laptop. He perched his chin on Josh’s shoulder and watched the screen silently.

“Oh my god, we have to-”

“Horror movie marathon.”

“Yes.”

The two boys agreed simultaneously. Apparently, their local theatre was going to be playing three “mystery” horror movies during that weekend, as some sort of fundraiser for breast cancer awareness or something. It was sort of a strange setup, but Josh and Tyler were eager to participate and find out if they were going to play decent horror movies or some wonderfully crappy ones for them to make commentary on.

Tyler thought they could benefit from buying some cheap candy from the gas station beforehand, so they headed to the car a while after figuring out what time they were going to go. They loaded up on junk food (minus popcorn, that was hard to sneak in) and thanked Tyler’s mom after they were dropped off outside of the theatre.

Once they were situated with all of their goodies, Tyler opened a package of sour patch kids and discussed the excessive use of fake blood in all things horror while people slowly filtered in. The pair talked through the advertisements, but they quieted once they saw what the first movie was.

“Nightmare On Elm Street.”

“Good choice.” Josh nodded in agreement, stealing a handful of popcorn from Tyler’s lap even though he had his own box. He liked it better this way, anyways.

They stayed silent through a solid half of the first movie until Tyler was filled with too many comments to not let them go. Soon enough, the two boys were whispering back to each other until they were barely paying attention to what was actually happening in the movie at all.

“Oh god, I’m so full.” Tyler groaned under his breath, readjusting in his seat so he could gently rub his enlarged stomach for emphasis while violent scenes of the last few shots rolled by on the big screen in front of them. Josh gave it a couple of quick pats before settling a hand on his own, grimacing. “Me too. I regret nothing.”

Tyler snorted in response, surprised when the ending credits came to a close and another movie started up once again. This cycle of commentary continued on for another movie until Josh became too restless sitting still and they ditched the theatre before the final movie could even start. Tyler pulled Josh’s hand towards the arcade enthusiastically once they threw away all of their wrappers and the food they couldn’t manage to finish.

They agreed that it was in their best interest to spend the rest of their money and some spare change on dumb arcade games, and they played a couple rounds of a zombie first-person shooter, complete with fake guns to point with in real life, until a giant stuffed animal caught the corner of Tyler’s eye and he pulled away to stare affectionately at all of the brightly-lit prizes.

“Josh! Look at the panda bear! Holy shit it’s so cute!” Tyler exclaimed loudly. He felt embarrassed at the outburst until he saw a look of determination flicker across Josh’s face as he headed towards the claw machine, tokens in hand.

“I’m gonna get you that bear.” He said fiercely.

With a couple of cute but destined to fail attempts at collecting the bear, Josh managed to get a small teddy bear holding a bright red heart, sappy and sweet and perfect for valentine’s day, which was coming up later in the month. At least, Tyler would go on to consider it a valentine’s day gift.

“Josh, thank you. This is perfect.” Tyler grinned and planted a kiss on Josh’s cheek (a platonic bro-kiss, right?) and they returned to playing violent games until they ran out of tokens and Tyler called his mom so she could pick them up from the movie theatre.

“Thanks for hanging out with me today.” Tyler sighed as he thumbed over the teddy bear’s paws and stared at it’s unchanging, almost sickeningly cheerful yet adorable smile. He leaned against Josh’s shoulder as they waited outside for his mom in the dark, both of their breaths mixing into the cold night air.

“‘Course. Anytime.”

Tyler smiled to himself and flipped the heart back and forth in between his fingers. Suddenly, he noticed a string of black text, and the bear must’ve had a factory malfunction because the heart was turned around the wrong way. Tyler twisted it around fully to stare at the cursive letters with a hammering in his chest that wouldn’t quite go away.

It read; _ **P.S, I Love You.**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love your guys' wonderul comments so much, thank you :)))
> 
> My tumblr: pinkstationfrerard 
> 
> My Instagram: @glitter.bowie


	3. Tomorrow Never Knows

 

Josh could tell that things had gotten harder for Tyler once the weekend was over and they were back in school- his mood was all over the place, enough that Tyler seemed like a completely different person every time Josh saw him throughout the day. At lunch, he refused to eat anything, saying his stomach was upset, but Josh knew better than to believe him. He had done his research, of course, so he knew that testosterone could bring about mood swings and increased appetite. Tyler was most likely trying to deny his body’s feelings, and therefore making him even grumpier.

“Hey, Tilly.” Josh whispered into Tyler’s neck, knowing the boy wouldn’t push him away if he got close enough. Tyler didn’t have the heart to shrug Josh off when they were in contact like that. The rest of their friend group pointedly ignored them, leaving Josh to try and cheer Tyler up on his own, since he was the only one who could ever persuade the boy to do anything when he was in one of his stubborn moods. “I know you wanna eat something. My mom made me a sandwich and some brownies, we can share?”

Tyler sat still for a second, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his hoodie.

“Please? For me?”

Tyler looked like he wanted to accept, but he just slumped down even more into his little bundle of clothing. Josh knew the time of persuasion was over, and it was the time for threats instead.

“Eat some of my food or I’ll tell my mom you became a vegan and she never cooks cookies or pulled pork for you ever again.”

Tyler reluctantly reached out a hand to take a sandwich half that was sitting on the bench and he started to munch on it generously, his eyes falling shut and body still. Josh considered that a compromise enough, so he took a stray apple off of their friend Mark’s plate and started eating that so he could give Tyler all of his sandwich.

He could eat when he got home. He couldn’t wait around for Tyler to cheer up on his own.

As lunch passed, Josh didn’t move away from his close spot to Tyler, and he started to notice a cluster of boys he’d never seen before dangerously close to the table next to their own. At their school, people usually stuck to the same places, and it was strange to see a bunch of loud jocks crowding their space all of the sudden. Josh didn’t think about it too much, since everyone else seemed oblivious, but he felt a wave of protective instinct for Tyler once one of the taller boys got up from the table and walked right towards Josh, a gleam in his eye.

“Hey, brother. Got a reason why you’re lookin’ at me buddies like that?” He asked while pointing to his group of snickering, letter jacket-wearing friends. He had a subtle twang of a southern accent, and he sounded civil enough, so Josh tried not to stifle up too much. His friend Patrick quieted from across the table, and the whole table directly followed suit and stared up at the strange boy.

“I wasn’t looking at anything, man. Just into the distance, you know? Sorry If I came across as creepy or something. I’m just spacey.” Josh replied in the calmest voice he could manage. He had been inspecting the other guys, but he hadn’t been weird about it. Just curious.

“Oh, spacey. Got it.” The dude said, sounding unconvinced. “You see, here I was, thinking that you were watching out for your _girlfriend_ over here-” the whole entire pair of tables stiffened as the boy gestured to Tyler, who refused to turn around and look the other man in the eye. “-but I see you’re just a pair of fags no matter what, whether she’s got someone like you looking after her.”

“Okay.” Josh said with a loud, steady voice, his eyes narrowed into slits. “Okay, if you’re going to offend _him_ and offend us without realizing it’s none of your _fucking business_ -” If people were quiet now, they became even more so as Josh stood up to try to get up to the other guy’s level. “Then you must be really dumb if you think you can offend my best friend like that in front of all of my friends. I know you and your buddies like to have a little fun, poke at some quiet kids, call people severely outdated words, but don’t you _dare_ think I won’t split your face wide open if you call Tyler a girl in such a rude way one more time.”

The asshole crossed his arms, trying to look unfazed, but Josh could see the surprise flicker across his eyes. His friends whooped and cheered, filling the primarily silent space with annoying encouragements of “don’t let the _fag_ say that shit to you, Tommy!”

Josh whipped his head over to the voice and pointed. “I’ll kick _you_ into the dust, too. Shut the fuck up and let your friend fix his own mess.” He could feel his blood boiling in his veins, flowing throughout his whole body and swirling a large number of angry thoughts and comebacks in his head. The nerve of this kid-Tommy. Just because he was big and tough and full of himself, he thought he could do whatever the fuck he wanted.

Tommy scoffed and smirked an evil, glowing little smile. “Fair enough, but don’t think I’ll be watching you. I don’t want to catch whatever… you’ve got.” He upturned his nose and uncrossed his arms, sitting back down at the table right next to theirs and laughing with all of his fellow asshole friends.

“You approached _me_ , dickstick.” Josh grumbled out one last time before sitting back down next to Tyler and working up the courage to look at the other boy. Tyler just looked sad, the rest of the sandwich abandoned on the table.

“Should we move?” Patrick squeaked and re-adjusted his hat, his blue-green eyes wide in shock.

“No, fuck those guys, they aren’t scaring us off.” Mark said with a grimace, looking around Josh to eye the other group.

“Fuck, Josh! That was so _good_. Okay, I mean, that guy is an idiot and his only talent is playing football, but _man_. You looked like you were going to _kill_ him.” Pete exclaimed in a hushed voice as he looked at Josh with glee.

“I did?” Josh asked. “Well, yeah, I wanted to. He won’t get away with that.”

“Josh, it’s _fine_.” Tyler protested. He grabbed onto Josh’s arm, as if for some sort of stability. He wouldn’t look anywhere but at his feet. “You don’t need to do that for me.”

“But I will. You can’t stop me. I’d do anything for you, Tyler.” Josh confessed in a strict tone, feeling a couple pairs of eyes on him all around their table. Tyler finally looked up at Josh, his eyes pink and wet from a couple of stray tears.

“Really?”

“Really, really.” Josh said. He gently wiped Tyler’s tear-stained cheeks with his sleeves and stared intently at his best friend, his heart swollen in his chest. “They’re idiots for thinking I’d let that go.”

“Then they don’t know you at all.” Pete scoffed as he picked at a stray macaroni noodle off of Patrick’s lunch plate. Josh realized it wasn’t just the two of them and he lowered his hands, wrapping an arm around Tyler for a couple of brief moments.

Mark was staring at them like he knew some sort of dirty little secret. Josh was aware that everyone unspokenly knew of his feelings for Tyler, but it wasn’t like there was any point in bringing it up when Josh could only tell them what they seemed to already know.

“Yeah.” Josh said quietly, playing with the shrink wrap on the brownie his mom had given him that morning before he left. “Who wants this?”

“Me!” Pete near-yelled with an enormous grin on his face. Josh tossed it to him and demanded he share it a bit with everyone before he started to pack up for his next class. Tyler was extremely quiet next to him, but Josh knew he couldn’t do anything more to try and help him.

“You wanna hang out tomorrow?” Josh asked, poking at Tyler’s shoulder lightly. Tyler nodded in response, grabbing his own bag in return as the bell rang and the five boys parted ways. Josh walked with Patrick and Tyler to their next class together, giving Tyler a quick hug before running to the other end of campus for English.

There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for that boy. Hopefully it didn’t mean he ended up getting beat up in the process.

 

~*~

 

Josh _had_ to know.

He had to know had to know had to _know_.

As soon as that eventful lunch ended, Tyler spent a whole class thinking over what Josh had said, what Tom had said, what Josh must have figured out by that point.

Tom was actually an old classmate of Tyler’s. He’d gone to elementary school all the way to highschool with him. They’d never been friends- not acquaintances, either, just two people somewhat aware of each other’s presence, and Tom seemed to not take a liking to Tyler’s presence after he started transitioning by misgendering him, by giving him looks and by insulting him in class occasionally when he was alone.

Tyler had no idea as to why he had approached their table at lunch. He’d certainly never done anything to provoke him or his friends besides merely existing, and Tom seemed to get bored of laughing behind his back and decided to move onto to making fun of him in front of all of his friends.

Josh. _Josh_ , though- Tyler had seen the fire and passion in his eyes, the way he didn’t doubt Tyler for a second, the way he’d defended him on instinct. It confused Tyler to no end. Did he know he was known as a girl to everyone a year before then, or did he just somehow know that it was a delicate subject for Tyler? Regardless, Tyler was thankful, but it scared him to think about what Josh knew about him that Tyler had been too afraid to be casual about.

He didn’t need to be dramatic and “come out” to everyone he met like it was a big deal. At first, it was a big deal, but Tyler had learned over time to take a perspective of “this is who I am, If you don’t like it, I don’t care”. Of course, he tried to get this message across by ignoring people who didn’t approve of his choices, but that was just Tyler’s shyness getting a hold of him.

Josh was quiet as well, so Tyler was surprised at the ferocity of his outburst. He felt bad, like it was Josh’s obligation to protect him when he couldn’t do it himself, but Tyler couldn’t really do anything about that except for try to calm himself down throughout his next two classes so he could go home and try not to eat the entire household like he was so tempted to do.

Josh had noticed that, too. The hormones kicked in the most a couple of days after he got his shot every other week, and they usually made him a hungry emotional roller coaster. Pretty much everyone Tyler’s age was like that as well, but he was an extreme that surpassed almost everyone else on an occasional basis.

Tyler knew he had to tell him just so he could get it all off of his chest, so he didn’t have to hide and feel like he was being dishonest. Since Josh was his best friend, it really was both of their business to tell each other everything. That way, Josh would finally be able to really understand his depressive moods, his dysphoria, his old way of what was never really living.

He didn’t want to be undesirable and he didn’t want to be a bad friend. Tyler supposed that was why he put it off for so long when he could’ve just been like, “oh, hey, look at elementary school me when I presented as a female. I’m happier now. That’s cool, right?”

His crush had probably distracted him from doing that, since he’d felt close to Josh within a few weeks of meeting him and he didn’t want to lose him as a friend. Even though he knew that wouldn’t be the case now, it still struck a familiar sense of fear in Tyler’s heart when he thought about not hiding anymore.

It was time for a confrontation.

**To: Jishwa Dun**

**Meet me after school? need 2 talk**

Tyler flickered his pen back and forth with nervous energy while his history teacher droned on and on about some sort of essay they would have to write the following week. He knew enough about the subject to not have to worry, so he focused all of his anxiety into his phone as he eagerly waited Josh to text back. Two minutes before the last bell, Josh finally replied.

**Jishwa Dun:**

_yea ok. by the back lot? my mom is picking me up_

**To: Jishwa Dun**

**Ok**

Tyler inhaled a couple of deep, steady breaths and packed up his bag and walked out the door as soon as the school day drew to an end. He hurried through the halls to the back field of the school before he could back out of it all. Josh was waiting with his arms crossed and his backpack slung over one shoulder by the time Tyler got outside. He knew he looked solemn, which made Josh quiet in return most of the time.

“Hey.” He sighed, watching his breath rise into the crisp February air. Students filtered past him as he headed to the tree Josh usually waited by when he waited to be picked up because no one else stood under the large branches, instead settling on some of the benches or the wall when it wasn’t too cold outside.

“Hey.” Josh nodded to him, turning towards Tyler once he settled next to Josh against the tree.

“So, um.” Tyler fiddled nervously, forcing himself to at least look at some part of Josh. He settled on the zipper of his hoodie while he worked up the nerve to form coherent sentences. “How… how did you know?”

Josh raised an eyebrow before letting out a long breath and putting his back to the tree once again. “I just figured it out, I guess, man. I don’t know why it has to be a big deal. You know I wouldn't care, that I don't care about that in a bad way.”

“I _know_ that.” Tyler snapped, face rising into a snarl before falling back down. He realized that this was Josh, his best friend, not some bully. “Sorry.” He groaned, shoving his face into the soft material of his jacket-covered palms. “I’m being an ass. I’m just really moody and tired, and well- I’m _scared_ , Josh.”

“Why are you scared?” Josh asked gently.

“I don’t… I didn’t have a lot of friends before I came out, but afterwards, I didn’t have any until I started talking to Mark and Pete. And I guess I was scared of losing you like that, somewhere in my mind. I don’t know. It’s dumb.” Tyler pulled his hands away from his face and dragged along his cheeks, pulling at the dark circles under his eyes as he stared wearily out onto the bleak piles of snow. Next to him, Josh seemed unsure of how to approach Tyler, so he leaned into Josh as a sign of compromise and peace. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Josh whispered, his arm sliding around Tyler’s neck in a comfortable side-hug. “I want you to trust me. Do you trust me?”

“Of course. Do you trust _me_?”

“Yeah.” Josh said immediately, sounding a bit sad.

“What’s wrong?” Tyler asked nervously, turning to face towards Josh and look him in the eye. The other boy averted his gaze and stared off at the passing cars, the overcast sky illuminating the tired lines and ridges of his cheekbones as well as the worn out look settled in his dark eyes.

“You don’t have to worry about me. If something was seriously wrong, I’d tell you, alright?” Josh said hesitantly. Tyler knew that he was right, and that it would be selfish to push after Josh had let him keep his own secrets for so long.

“Thanks for being, well, you.” Tyler sighed, turning towards Josh to give him a proper hug and smother his face into the groove of Josh’s coat collar and inhale the feeling it gave him to have Josh’s arms wrapped around him so tenderly.

Josh chuckled against him and settled his cheek on top of Tyler’s head. “Of course. We can talk more later, ok? I have a bit of work to do today.”

“Mhmm.” Tyler mumbled, reluctantly letting Josh slip away. There were so many things he wanted to say in that still moment, but he couldn’t narrow down one singular thought before Josh was turning around and pick up his bag that he had dropped sometime during their exchange. “My mom’s here, Ty. Gotta go!” He called as he started speed-walking away to his family’s blue SUV. Tyler waved a couple times to the car before turning around and heading back inside school to warm up and waste time until his dad came to pick him up, which was always a little later after work. They would get a late lunch on early days like these, which a big relief to Tyler’s hesitant heart. He wasn’t sure how to feel, exactly, but he knew in his mind that things with Josh were ok. They would always be ok. Hopefully.

 

~*~

 

“What happened with Tyler?” Josh’s mom asked after talking about both of their days on the way home. Of course, she saw their exchange outside the school, and being the all-knowing deity that she was, she was curious beyond belief.

“He kinda just confirmed something I’d known for a long time. It was nice, if a bit tense at first.” Josh smiled to himself as he stared outside the window at the dull grey and white streets and faded sphere where the sun would usually shine through less-thicker clouds.

“Was it about liking you?”

“No, ma. Not that yet.”

“Alright.” She said with a quick nod of her head. Josh turned up the radio and they drove the rest of the way without conversation. He quickly settled in his room once they got home after thanking her so that he could have some room to breathe and think before he had to start doing homework. Josh flopped dramatically on his bed and groaned into his pillow, his fists curling into the sheets in frustration.

God, he was dumb. He could’ve gotten it all out there- _I want to be more, I don’t want everyone else’s edition of more, I’m scared as well but I trust you._ That was all he had to say to finally start working on the thoughts that plagued him when he considered letting Tyler know how he felt.

He didn’t care about Tyler’s sex or gender. He didn’t care about sex in general, in fact. Anything to do with the topic just… didn’t interest him. He didn’t understand the hype, and he certainly didn’t like it when he thought about becoming that intimate with anyone but someone who knew his distaste.

He didn’t even know what his distaste meant. Was he broken? Was there something wrong with him? People his age were supposed to have intense sex drives, yet he only really experimented with that part of his body and mind when he was bored or just… in the mood for something different. Not that it was unpleasant, but Josh felt entirely uncomfortable with things that intimate with someone else, especially on a regular basis.

If Tyler did feel the same way about him, he was going to be severely disappointed when he found out that Josh didn’t want that. He just _didn’t_. Like Tyler’s gender identity, he just couldn’t deny the way he felt completely, no matter how hard he tried to repress and repress over and over again.

He’d done so _much_. He tried watching porn, he tried dating, and he tried to find people he found attractive and think of them sexually, but it just didn’t _work_. With Tyler, he would do _anything_ for him, but he wasn’t sure he could do the same with himself. The thought didn’t make sense to others, but it made some sense to Josh when he thought about it in the grand scheme of things.

Josh just didn’t think Tyler would understand if Josh couldn’t handle sex the way people were, well, “supposed” to.

He felt broken by society’s standards, but within himself, he was fine with who he was and what he wanted.

Josh spent a while lying in bed and trying to think about how Tyler being openly trans with him could possibly change things for the better until his mind started running in circles and he forced himself to try and distract himself with loud music and work until it was late enough that he had to eat dinner with his family, feeling isolated and lost once his doubts caught up to him and his sister started talking about a boy who had asked her out earlier. They were a fairly open family, and they all knew momma Dun _would_ find out regardless, so it was easier to actually tell the family about how their days really went.

When all of the attention turned to him, Josh just shrugged and said that he had a lot of homework for math in a bored tone. His mom threw him an apologetic smile and redirected the conversation, leaving him to slap Jordan’s hand away when he tried to steal his potatoes and gravy.

“Goodnight.” Josh called out as soon as he was done putting dishes away, and he quickly closed himself off in his room and laid in bed until he could start thinking nice thoughts once again. Cuddling with Tyler, chocolate fudge, and all of the above. It took a while to fall asleep, but once he did, the memory of Josh’s life-long isolation had rested in the very back of his mind.

  
 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So, I don't have anything written past here since I've been on a trip. I'm seeing the boys themselves at ACL on October 10th, so no updates until after that music festival at least! So, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. All comments are always so so appreciated ~* 
> 
> My tumblr: pinkstationfrerard
> 
> My Instagram: @glitter.bowie


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in forever!! I haven't felt super inspired to write for a while now. Here's a short chapter to keep things going and keep you guys happy. I do really really appreciate all the lovely comments I'm still getting on my works, so thank you very much :) I'll try to update more often!

“Hey!” Josh called out to Tyler’s distant figure. “Joseph!”

“Josh.” Tyler grinned, coming to a stop as Josh slowed his jogging pace next to him. “What’s up, dude?”

“Not much.” Josh shrugged, re-adjusting his hat with the movement of his shoulders. “I was going to ask if you wanted to hang out today but then I just went for a walk after i forgot about it. Looks like fate has brought us together.”

“Yeah, totally.” Tyler laughed gently, his eyes crinkled up in the corners and his smile soft. “I’m just skating around but it’s kind of really cold. Wanna go somewhere in town?”

“Kind of really? That’s not a sentence.” Josh teased with a scoff. “Yeah, sure. I don’t have money though.”

“I got you, bro. Lunch?”

“Tyler, it’s three in the afternoon.”

“Is that a no?"

“That’s a hell yes.”

Tyler enthusiastically fist-bumped the air and picked up his skateboard with his free hand, walking alongside Josh and occasionally bumping shoulders with the other boy. Josh hadn’t seen Tyler outside of school for almost a whole week, and the last conversation they had had stuck in his mind. It was nice to see his best friend again, no matter the circumstances.

“So, uh…” Tyler started with fake casualty. Josh knew when he was nervous, and Tyler was pulling on a calm facade right then to convince himself as well as Josh. “I was talking to my doctor the other day, and she said I can get top surgery near the end of this school year as long as my mom agrees. Budget-wise, we can afford it by then, but it’s just a matter of if she thinks I’m ready or not.”

“Dude, that’s great!” Josh exclaimed, patting Tyler’s shoulder enthusiastically. “If that’s what you want. I’m just assuming that’s the case here.”

“Yeah, totally. You have no idea how uncomfortable binders get.” Tyler shuddered and grimaced along with the line. “My mom doesn’t seem to get that. She’s all like, “why don’t you just wait until after high school? What if you change your mind? What if blah blah blah.” Tyler kicked at the ground as he walked, bumping into Josh once again as he grew off balance.

“That’s just her way of saying she’s scared, Ty. I’m sure she wants the same things we all want- for you to be happy. She is being pretty irrational, though. What about your dad?”

“He’s fine. He cares too little, and my mom cares too much. It’s frustrating.”

“Yeah.” Josh sighed. “That’s plain shitty. Let me know what happens, though, at least you have some sort of time frame now.”

Tyler hummed and nodded his head in response and bit his lip in thought. “Thanks for being so cool about everything. It’s nice to know that you wouldn’t really care if I grew a second head or something.”

“Just more of you to love.” Josh giggled, looking at Tyler so he could see him return an amused smile. “You know, you don’t have to wear binders all the time if you don’t want to. Like, when it’s just you and me, would your chest bother you if you wore something less constricting?”

“I dunno.” Tyler mumbled, cheeks pink and eyes gazing down at the ground. “I… I guess not, if it’s just you, but I still feel… embarrassed? Remember, it feels like I’m not supposed to actually look, so I feel… wrong when I think about it too much. I think less like this.”

“That makes sense.” Josh hummed, wondering how he could make Tyler feel better about things he couldn’t change. There were some things you just couldn’t deny. Josh needed to take that to mind himself. “It’s totally up to you, though. If you feel like you weird people out by just existing, that’s your own head attacking you. If someone else is bothered by you and what you look like, you can’t let it bother you. That’s their moral dilemma, not yours.”

“Why are you always so right?” Tyler groaned with a little hint of a smile. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” Josh hummed. “They can answer to me if they don’t like you. I’ll kick everyone’s ass.”

“That’s totally unnecessary! Only kick Tommy’s ass.”

“That punk? I forgot about him. Yeah, he’s going down. Maybe he just jealous.”

Tyler snorted and stared at Josh like he’d said he wanted to jump off a bridge just to see what happened. “Of what, exactly?”

Josh smirked. “That you get to hang out with me, of course.”

Tyler punched Josh’s arm rather hard, leaving the bright-haired boy wincing. “Alright, fine! He’s just jealous that you’re prettier than him and you weren’t even blessed with a natural source of major testosterone at birth.”

“That’s not saying much.” Tyler snorted. “Everyone is prettier than him. He has a shit personality. I’ve known him for a long time, so I say that with confidence.”

“True, true. But you’re the prettiest boy I know, so.” Josh said as casually as he could, watching Tyler blush out of the corner of his eye. Seriously, he was too precious.

“Stop it. Go find a mirror, Jish.”

Josh exhaled a high-pitched breath and ducked his head away from Tyler. A lot of people didn’t see being a pretty boy as a compliment, but Josh liked it all too much. Finding other pretty boys, being called one, the works. “Are you saying I’m a pretty boy?”

“Very much so.”

All Josh could do right then and there was try to hide his blush and not look at Tyler, since it would only make him want to do something stupid like kiss the damn boy. The not-so-friendly flirting was killing him. Tyler apparently felt the same, since he couldn’t meet Josh’s eyes as they walked down the sidewalk the rest of the way to Taco Bell. Josh didn’t even have to ask where he wanted to eat. He knew Tyler like the back of his hand.

After they sat down with their huge bag stuffed with food, Josh pulled out his phone to check the time. Pete had texted him earlier without Josh feeling the usual buzz in his pocket, and he checked the message quickly to avoid being rude to Tyler.

**Pete:**

_dood prom posters r up. r u gonna ask Tyler or no bc I made a bet w Gabe_

_technically im not spposed 2 b asking u this but whatever I need to KNOW_

_I need to see you guys take an awkward couple photo ok_

Josh hadn’t even thought about prom. Well, not really, but still. The thought had crossed his mind, but mainly about the whole “losing your virginity on prom night” stereotype, since Josh was still trying to figure out the whole appeal of that. It didn’t really seem that romantic at all. Of course, he wanted romance with Tyler. He wanted to match suits with him, maybe bring him a flower or something to put in his pocket. He wanted to ask him out in a grand way, to let Tyler know that it wasn’t just as friends. He wanted to slow dance with him, hold his hand, and take a stupid photo to keep in his wallet forever so that he could remember that Tyler was his.

Only, he wasn’t. He was Josh’s friend, a friend who probably wanted to spend prom night eating junk food and playing violent video games instead of going with Josh. Not that Josh was against the other option, but dammit, he wanted to show Tyler a good time.

**To: Pete**

**ugh you guys are insufferable. maybe. i want to. how the hell would i even ask him? we're not even dating.**

Josh sighed and put his phone away to eat, smiling a little when he saw that Tyler was also distracted on his phone. They were pretty damn good at doing nothing together.

**Pete:**

_oh, young, naive Joshua. I am a man w a fukkin plan. trust me :-)_

Josh couldn’t exactly say no to an offer like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr: pinkstationfrerard
> 
> My Instagram: @glitter.bowie


	5. Prom?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They leaned against the tree shoulder-to-shoulder, just as close as they’d always been all along.

“Are you sure this is even a good idea, Pete?” Josh asked hesitantly.

“This is perfect. He’ll be super surprised.”

“That’s… one possible outcome. I feel like there’s a better way to ask him.”

“Dude.” Pete said in an exasperated tone. “Just do it. I got the freakin’ soccer team to help you out, I got the hookups, you’re set. Now you just gotta finish the job.”

“It’ll be so embarrassing if he says no.” Josh mumbled. “He doesn’t even know I like him.”

“And this is a good way to let him know! I went through with this idea for the sole purpose of ensuring that it’s nothing less than a grand, romantic gesture. Now go make sure he comes tonight!” Pete demanded as he pushed Josh down the hall to meet Tyler before class, just as they had planned the previous day over text. “Find out a way to get him out of his antisocial shell.”

“Fine.” Josh grumbled, waving Pete away as he trailed down the hallway to make his way to where he knew Tyler’s first class was going to be. The boy usually got to school around five minutes before the bell to start doing the previous day’s homework, just like Josh did as well.

“Hey, Ty.” Josh said with a smile as he sat down at a desk next to Tyler. The other boy looked up from his phone with a surprised look. “Hey.”

“I was just with Pete, and he really wants us to come to the soccer game tonight. Are you down? I know we usually avoid those kinds of things, but he seemed really excited and I feel pretty bad about skipping every other game.”

“I sometimes forget he’s the captain of the team, wow. Yeah, that’s fine. It’ll be boring but I’ll pretend to have fun so Pete doesn’t go all kung-fu on us again. That guy has a mean kick.”

“Of course, you’ll have me for company. I promise you won’t be bored.” Josh reminded Tyler with a gentle smile.

“As long as we don’t actually watch the game, I think we’ll be fine.” Tyler snickered.

Josh hummed in response and took a moment to fiddle with his phone until the bell rang. “I’ll, uh, have my mom and I come pick you up at 5:15? It starts at 5:30.”

“Sure.”

“Cool. I gotta go to class, See you later.” Josh said as he slid out of the seat. Tyler nodded and waved a quick goodbye, leaving Josh to stress for the next couple of hours until the game later that afternoon.

~*~

Tyler was curious to see how the game turned out that night, but mainly curious to know why Pete was so eager to have them there in the first place. He kept talking about the game all throughout lunch, which seemed to make Josh worried for some reason, and it left the rest of their friends slightly confused but not all that concerned.

The day passed fairly quickly, and before he knew it, Tyler was dressing up in school colors and being subjected to face paint to get in the spirit of the game. Apparently, his mom was excited by the fact that Tyler was simply going outside to do something other than skate or skate to Josh’s house.

“Oh, honey, you look great! Red is totally your color.” Tyler’s mom cooed. He couldn’t stop his face from growing red with embarrassment at all of his mom’s comments, even if they were well-meaning. “Josh will be impressed.”

“Maybe.” Tyler mumbled, staring down at his bright red athletic socks.

The doorbell rang a couple minutes after that and Tyler was quickly ushered outside the door so Tyler’s mom could take pictures of the two of them, since Josh had gotten the same idea and dressed up for the game.

“You look good.” Josh commented through his smile as he slid one arm around Tyler’s waist and looked at the camera of the phone Tyler’s mom was holding up.

“You too.”

Josh rubbed Tyler’s back a few times before stepping into the car’s back seat, right next to Tyler to keep him company during the short car ride. He’d be damned if he paid attention to the way Mrs.Dun raised her brow at the two of them sitting in close comforts.

“You guys excited?” Josh’s mom asked. Tyler nodded his head and Josh tried to give off a casual shrug, which only ended up with him looking like he was going to pass out or throw up. Possibly even both.

“You okay?” Tyler whispered to Josh next to him, accompanying his words with a playful knock of his own shoulder into that of Josh’s more built side. Josh swallowed and shyly nodded his head. “Yeah, it’s nothing. You'll, uh... find out soon enough.”

“...Okay, fair enough.” Tyler said softly, trying not to pretend that he was jumping out of skin just thinking about what was on Josh’s mind. He didn’t like it when people kept secrets from him, and it surely didn’t help that it felt like Josh was hiding so much.

“You two boys have fun. Oh, Tyler, your mom said she’ll pick you guys up, but you can always call me if you need.” Mrs.Dun offered with a smile. Tyler returned the gaze with a quick nod as he climbed out of the car, Josh at his side.

“Of course. Thank you so much.”

“Bye, Mom! Love you.” Josh called out as he closed the car door, leaving Tyler to wave her goodbye. Once she was gone, the pair made their way up the sidewalk to the side of the school, where soccer game was being held. The ground was littered with a thin sheet of snow, `just enough to make Tyler worry about the way their school planned out special sports off-season games. The purpose of them was to keep up morale and school spirit in the colder months as well as raise money for after-school programs, but Tyler thought it was just kind of cruel to have the players run around in the cold for so long.

Josh offered to pay for Tyler’s ticket, which was pretty sweet of him and made sense considering Josh was the one who had invited Tyler to come along. It was almost like a weird, unconventional sports date if Tyler thought about it. He tried not to let his mind linger for too long.

“Hey, you look pretty cold. Take my scarf.” Josh offered as he took off his bright red scarf and wrapped it around Tyler’s neck, ensuring that Tyler didn’t have an opportunity to refuse. The scarf matched his own beanie and gloves, which made it a little harder for Tyler to refuse the excellent aesthetic of school pride it gave him.

“Josh, I’m totally fine. But, uh... thank you.” Tyler pulled up the scarf over his nose and cheeks to hide his blush, a result of both the cold and some of the looks Josh was throwing him. He had a warm and caring heart, which only seemed to grow bigger when he did things for Tyler.

“Joshler! You guys came!” Pete’s voice rose from the throng of people settled on the bleachers. Tyler turned to see him running down the sidelines in his full soccer gear, a wild grin on his face at the sight of the two boys.

“Shouldn’t you be with your team warming up? Also, what’s Joshler?” Josh questioned, one brow raised with suspicion. Pete waved him off and turned towards Tyler and threw him a wink. “Oh, Patrick warmed me up plenty. I’m just here to make sure you guys showed up.” Tyler and Josh both rolled their eyes in response to that, Tyler taking a special note of how Pete was a little too pink and how messy his hair happened to be. “Joshler is your couple name, of course. Duh. I thought that was obvious.”

“Not bad.” Tyler hummed, smiling in approval. “Not as good as Tyler x a warm fire, though.”

“Hey, Josh here is pretty damn warm.” Pete snickered, taking a moment to rub his arms. “Anyways, have fun. I do actually have to go, the game is about to start. The turnout looks good, maybe band will replace a few instruments from the money we make today. See you, guys.” Pete waved before he sprinted off to the far side of the field. Josh took Tyler’s hand and led him up the bleachers to a row at the very top, giving them a nice high angle to watch the game as well as some space away from the rest of the crowd that wanted to be closer to the game.

Within a couple of minutes, the kickoff started the game and started the back-and-forth movements of the ball across the field. Tyler didn’t find the fact that no one ever actually scored and instead just almost-scored to be very interesting, so he spent the first half of the game daydreaming and leaned against Josh for warmth and support.

Most people left the bleachers to get snacks during halftime, but Josh stayed put. Tyler didn’t have any motivation to leave himself, so he remained still and watched strange behavior from the players on the field as well as the cheerleaders. They were all huddled in a big group, appearing to pick up large boards from under the nearest row of bleachers, where the players and the coach sat out during the game.

“What’s going on there? Some sort of pep rally thing?” Tyler asked Josh, his eyes narrowed at the strange activity.

“No.” Josh said. Tyler looked up at him with an agape mouth and a confused look only to have his eyes met with the sight of Josh nervously biting his lip. “So, uh, Pete suggested I do this in such a weirdly public way ‘cuz he thought you’d like it, and, so, yeah. I wasn't sure how to let you know how I feel, and of course it's cool if you don't feel the same way or whatever, just speak up. Pete was super sure you'd get the point and whatnot, so, here we are. Tyler Robert Joseph…” Josh trailed off and nodded his head towards the field, which Tyler had totally forgot about while Josh had been talking.

Tyler sucked in a gasp at the sight before him. Players from their school’s team and a couple of cheerleaders held up signs to spell out letters that faced towards them, a simple, short question of… “PROM?”

"Would you do me the great honor of going to prom with me?" Josh asked nervously.

“Really?” Tyler gasped, feeling all of the eyes rest on them as Josh stood up and pulled a single red rose out of his coat’s inner pocket. He bit his lip and nodded, handing the flower to a shocked Tyler.

The field was relatively silent, just like Josh was, standing still and patient next to Tyler. He then realized that he hadn’t actually said a proper response. He was still attempting to calibrate all of his thoughts. While he wasn’t entirely sure of what he thought about such a public prom proposal, he liked the gesture of it- Josh wanted everyone to know what he wanted. Tyler was rather protective of his best friend, and he liked people knowing that no one else knew Josh the way he did and no one ever would. This way, no one could even attempt to ask either one to prom, and Tyler couldn’t even doubt that Josh was making more than just a platonic offer.

“Yes, Josh, yes, I’d love to.” Tyler gasped as he stood up and slid both arms around Josh in a tight hug. Once he pulled away part way, he couldn’t find the strength to let go of Josh, and instead, Tyler pressed a soft kiss on Josh’s lips to make sure the other boy knew he'd gotten Josh's point. Once he started, though, he couldn’t exactly stop, and he grew a little embarrassed as he realized he kept pressing kisses on Josh’s lips and cheeks in front of bleachers full of parents and students as well as the faculty and staff of the school.

A couple of people around them as well as the people previously carrying the signs on the field applauded, whooped and cheered, leaving both Tyler and Josh's faces burning bright red and bashful.

“Pete Wentz, captain of the Columbus City High School Redbirds, would like to give a shout out to his friend Tyler who has appeared to say “yes” to Prom. Let’s continue on with the game once the last thirty seconds of halftime has counted down, folks.” The loud announcer’s voice rang throughout the stands and the field, accompanied by a loud whoop from Pete, who was jumping in the field like a madman. Tyler leaned in close to Josh’s ear and tugged on his arm, whispering urgently, “wanna maybe get away from all these people? I can’t take much more staring.”

“Yeah, sorry.” Josh laughed. He slipped his hand into Tyler’s and led him down the bleachers and to the parking lot at the back of the school, where their regular meeting tree stood in quiet, cold solace. Josh grinned and grabbed the collar of Tyler’s coat and continued on kissing him against the base of the tree until they were both warm and utterly breathless. Little snowflakes caught in the bright red locks of Josh’s hair, and Tyler brushed them away and pulled Josh close against him once again so that he could snuff out his chills with the warmth of Josh’s neck. A few stray strands of hair tickled him in return, but it was so worth it when he got to feel Josh collapse with relief in his arms. He knew that when Josh made a public statement, it was pretty much the same thing as when they were alone together like they were in that moment.

“Why didn’t you just ask me out like a normal person, Jishwa?” Tyler said softly, only for Josh’s ears to hear even when no one was around to eavesdrop. The roar of the crowds watching the game seemed detached and unreal, so far away and irrelevant even when they were a part of that noise just a few minutes prior.

“I might’ve been afraid you’d say no or not understand.” Josh whispered back, his arms tightening around Tyler.

“Never.”

Josh heaved out a long sigh before he pulled away and ran a cold finger down Tyler’s cheek, his eyes soft and affectionate. “I feel kind of bad for leaving the game, but Pete only ever seemed excited for us to come to make sure you’d be there for that. Do you wanna leave? It’s pretty cold.”

Tyler nodded. “Yeah, now everything makes sense now, you big hopeless romantic. I’ll call my mom.” He pulled out his phone but hesitated before unlocking it, his eyes betraying him and falling down to Josh with worry. “Uh, can we just make a pact now? That things won’t be… weird between us? You’re my best friend, Josh. You kind of always will be. That means we talk about what’s worrying us and whatnot. It also means we work as a team. Don’t do anything you don’t like just to make me feel better.” Tyler said in the clearest voice he could manage. He had a feeling that he’d end up pressuring Josh into something he didn’t want to do, and the fact that Josh was holding something back meant that he was scared. Tyler would let him voice his feelings in his own time, as usual, but he didn’t want to lose their natural trust just because Josh wouldn’t tell him everything right away.

Josh cleared his throat and nodded. “Uh, yeah, Of course, dude. You know me. I would do anything for you with my own free will, don’t worry about that. We’re team Joshler.”

“Joshler.” Tyler scoffed playfully. “God, the things Pete comes up with.” Josh chuckled and rubbed his arms, reminding Tyler about the need to call his mom and find someplace warm to cuddle up with Josh and embrace the partial escaping of the best friend zone, as cliche as that seemed in his mind. Not like they wouldn't have done that any other time.

Tyler dialed his mom’s number, Josh’s bare hand in his own gloved one as they leaned against the tree shoulder-to-shoulder, just as close as they’d always been all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr: pinkstationfrerard
> 
> My Instagram: @glitter.bowie
> 
> Thank you so much for all of the feedback :)


	6. If I Could Talk I'd Tell You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I could smile I'd let you know.
> 
> From one isolated soul to another, Josh finds out that sometimes facing your fears head-on will help the most.

 

“Just breathe it out, Josh.” Tyler whispered as gently as he could manage. Josh knew he was trying his best, but it was really hard to ignore the blood boiling in his veins and the rash impulse to swing his fists right into Tommy’s ugly little pig-like face.

“I’m trying.” Josh gritted out. He clenched his fists so hard that his nails dug in sharply into his palms, which was a grand feat in itself considering how short he bit his nails down. “How does he dare leave you a transphobic message in your locker? Seriously, the _nerve_ of that kid. What’s he even trying to do? He knows you’re not going to wear a freakin’ dress to prom.”

Tyler sighed. “No, I’m not. And you aren’t going to, either. I know what you’re thinking, Josh, and that won’t do anything but prove his point. He’s trying to get to us because he doesn’t have anything better to do with his life.” Tyler sounded sad and frustrated, which only made Josh even angrier. No one got away with making Tyler upset, as long as Josh knew about it.

“But I would look so good in a dress, Tyler.”

“You would. But I wanna see my pretty boy in a pretty suit.” Tyler pecked Josh’s cheek and held snugly onto his arms. Overall, Josh seemed a lot more bothered by the whole bullying situation than Tyler was, which Josh found strange, since he knew that if it were the other way around, anyone who was picking on Josh would already be hunted down by a vengeful Tyler. Josh supposed that he’d become less sensitive and more used to hateful and disrespectful comments over time, which just made Josh sad to think about. Tyler didn’t deserve that- no one did. No one deserved being misgendered or treated as anything less than a human being.

“Alright, fine, I’ll stick with the planned attire. Let me see the note, though.” Josh demanded. Tyler reluctantly handed the crumpled-up note to Josh, watching over his boyfriend with a worried gaze. No one had bothered them since Josh had asked Tyler out to prom at the game- in fact, lots of people had congratulated them on finally getting together, and they’d even made a few friends who’d be sitting with them at their table during prom. No one had a problem with two dudes in a relationship anymore- the only issue people had was the denial that they were, in fact, _two_ dudes. By people Josh meant that it was pretty much just narrowed down to one rich, close-minded asshole who had nothing better to do.

**I hope your boyfriend likes your pretty dress on prom day, pretty girl xoxo**

Of course, the note didn’t say who it was from, but Josh knew it had to be Tommy. He’d seen him snickering around school like a 12 year old boy talking about sex, and he surely acted like he was stuck in middle school. Josh was a little glad that he couldn’t even pass as one of those types of guys.

The note had been in Tyler’s locker when he’d opened it that morning, Josh at his side. When he read it, he slammed it into the locker doors and stormed off to find Tom, forcing Tyler to hunt Josh down and convince him that he wasn’t even all that bothered. The whole “I’m used to it” excuse did nothing but frustrate Josh even further.

Josh ripped the note into shreds and violently threw the remains into the nearest trash can. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands and let out a long sigh, letting Tyler pet him for a couple of moments to calm him down. “If this happens again, you have to tell both me and a counselor, ok, Tyler? Promise?”

Tyler pursed his lips. “Only if you promise not to do anything.”

“Fine. Doesn’t mean I can’t throw him dirty looks, though.”

“Sure thing, pretty boy. Come on, the bell is gonna ring soon. I wanna get a few kisses in before class.” Tyler giggled, pulling Josh’s arm to the nearby school library, where Tyler could properly pull Josh in between two bookshelves and make sure his boyfriend knew he was perfectly ok.

“You’re so strong, Ty.” Josh whispered mournfully.

“I have to be.”

Tyler brought their foreheads together for a brief moment before the school bell rang to the right of them. The two boys suddenly jumped apart before laughing and heading out of the library, walking hand-in-hand until they were forced to part ways, Josh uttering a quiet, “stay safe, my handsome man.”

 

~*~

 

With all of the hardships that came with Tyler behind who he was, Josh had a hard time being himself as well. The only question was whether or not Tyler would be disappointed if he knew. Knew what exactly? Josh was still asking himself that question.

Josh sat on his bed with his bright laptop screen facing back at him almost mockingly, a search bar pulled up. Blank. It reflected his own feelings sometimes.

**Does everyone have to**

Josh backspaced on the keyboard. He didn’t even know how to phrase things properly.

**Do some people not enjoy sex?**

_No, that wasn’t right_. Josh didn’t hate the idea of it, he just… didn’t want it like everyone else did.

**What do you call it when you don’t crave sexual attention?**

“Oh, hell. No one’s watching me, just do it.” Josh mumbled under his breath before pressing enter. A bunch of results came up, but Josh didn’t know which one to look at, so he just loaded the first link.

**Histrionic Personality Disorder Symptoms**

Josh abruptly closed his computer screen and put his head in his hands. He didn’t have a disorder, there wasn’t… there wasn’t anything wrong with him, right? There _had_ to be some common reason for everything he was experiencing.

He couldn’t bring himself to read the rest of the page about the disorder, since the first few sentences only made him feel more confused and isolated. Maybe there wasn’t a way to describe him without using the word _broken_. Certainly Tyler wouldn’t be able to provide any answers, and it was awkward enough trying to google his way to a diagnosis when he was alone in his room.

But, when Josh thought about how he wanted to be with Tyler for the long run, he knew they’d have to talk eventually. He just couldn’t help but feel embarrassed, abnormal. Most people didn’t have this dilemma, and it was just so normal to want to be in a sexual relationship to everyone but Josh.

**To: Tyler**

**hey u busy? feelin pretty lonely rn :P**

That would have to do. Tyler was the best distraction around, and Josh could use with a way to avoid thinking too much.

**Tyler:**

_I am free!! Miss me? ;)_

**yess. come over?**

**Tyler:**

_I’ll be there in 15_

 

~*~

 

“Hey, pretty boy.” Tyler purred into Josh’s neck. It was warm and nice, as usual. Josh liked it when Tyler called him that. He’d been pretty happy over the past few weeks, in fact, and it was all because of his best friend. They watched out for each other, they had cute pet names, the whole gross shibang. It was enough to make Josh forget about all of his nagging worries.

“Hey.” Josh hummed, hugging Tyler back even harder. “It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding, don’t you remember?”

“First of all.” Tyler sighed with fake exasperation. “We’re not getting married, it’s prom. Second of all, that’s not even until tomorrow night. Third- you invited _me_ over, dummy.”

“Okay, okay, you’ve proven your point, fine. Come on, let’s go before one of my siblings catches us. They’re such a pain when it comes to privacy.”

“Fair enough.”

Tyler and Josh settled on playing some first-person shooters like the good old days for a solid hour until Tyler grew restless and insisted on checking his grades. He tended to care about his a little less than Josh, which meant he only checked them once every blue moon.

“Can I use your laptop, J?”

“Yeah, sure.” Josh said absently, concentrated on the game in front of him. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Tyler’s brows raise up as he opened the bright screen.

“Is this something important?” He asked Josh, his face scrunched in confusion.

“Is what-” Josh paused the game and looked towards the screen Tyler had opened. He could feel his body freeze as he started to panic. He’d totally forgotten to close the tab out of his need to distract himself, and the page in front of Tyler was the exact opposite of Josh’s problem.

“Do you wanna talk to me about what’s been bugging you? I know it’s not this, Josh, so why do you look so scared right now?” Tyler said gently, his brows drawn tight together in concern and confusion. Josh could only just stare back and try to ignore the intense hammering in his chest, like he was something wrong and something that needed to hide. He could either fight or flight, but he didn’t know what to do when he was frozen in his own doubt.

“I…” Josh trailed off, pausing to take a deep breath. “I’m- I’m _broken_ , Tyler.” Josh sobbed into his hands, suddenly overcome with too many emotions to sort out. His methodical ways of dealing with his head were shattered, and all Josh could think of doing was cry loud, ugly sobs that wracked his whole body for some unexplainable reason.

“Oh, _Josh_.” Tyler whispered. He set aside the laptop and gently wrapped an arm around his partner. “You’re not broken. I don’t care what it is, just tell me and we’ll deal with it together, ok?”

“You w-wouldn’t understand.”

“Understand? I’ve found out that I understand a lot, Josh. Whatever it is that’s bothering you… how long has it been going on?” Tyler said cautiously as he rubbed small circles into Josh’s bent-over back. The red-haired boy was scrunched into a tight ball, his heartbreaking cries echoing around the room. He couldn’t do this to Tyler. He didn’t deserve to have his burdens put onto the poor boy, but Josh couldn’t help but give into his warm voice and try to talk.

“All… as long as I can remember.”

“You’re talking to someone who spent their whole life feeling off, babe. You can tell me, I can help you come to terms with yourself.”

“Why are you always r-right.” Josh heaved out a sad laugh and attempted to take deep breaths. He uncurled his body from his protective stance and took a minute to close his eyes and breathe until he could find the right words, but it was hard to describe something he didn’t have a word for.

“If I could talk, I’d tell you. I just… I don’t know how to describe it.”

“Try me. Gender dysphoria is kind of a weird thing to talk about, too, just so you know.” Tyler offered as he stared at Josh patiently.

“I… I don’t, well, I don’t… I’m not saying I don’t like… ah. I’m sorry. Nevermind.” Josh stammered as he started breathing more erratically. “I’m sorry I’m _sorry_ nevermind. Just drop it it’s fine. I don’t- I don’t wanna add more to your plate, you- you know?” Josh covered up his face once again, conflicted on whether or not he should just spare Tyler the trouble.

“Josh.” Tyler said sternly. “If you think I’m going to back off now, you’re crazy.”

Josh looked up to meet Tyler’s firm gaze and found himself unable to look away.

“Y-you sure?”

“Very much so.” Tyler said, this time in a gentler voice. He rubbed the tips of his fingers along Josh’s spine and shoulders, deep into the unsettled nerves that had shook Josh so badly.

“I don’t… I don’t see the appeal of sex. I never really have. I just don’t… don’t want a sexual relationship like everyone else does because the idea just makes me feel so... uncomfortable. I didn’t want to bring it up with you for a number of reasons, but I feel like the main one is that I’m scared- I’m scared of losing you.” Josh finally managed to find words that somewhat made sense, and although he didn’t have an easy way to describe his feelings, he felt like Tyler would be able to at least see where he was coming from.

“That’s it? Nothing else?” Tyler asked.

“Well, yeah.” Josh said, slightly confused.

“Josh, I’m not going to break up with you becuase you’re asexual. You should know that by now. Or, well, I guess you don’t. Do you know what asexuality is, Josh?”

Josh shook his head, his eyes open wide. “You’re not… not surprised?”

“You knew I was trans, right? Well, I had a pretty good hunch that you were ace. That’s the word for what you’re feeling. I’m pretty good at reading you, man, but I just didn’t want to make any assumptions in case it was something different. C’mere.” Tyler ushered Josh to sit next to him, right into the slight groove of one of his arms, while he reached for the laptop with a free hand. “Here, I’ll google it for you. You’re not broken, it’s like any other sexuality. Totally normal. Read this.”

With Tyler’s arm around him, Josh skimmed through a brief definition on the different aspects of asexuality and found himself in an “aha!” moment, like when he had finally realized he wanted to date his best friend all of those months back.

“Josh, don’t forget our agreement. Nothing you don’t wanna do. You can set some boundaries, I’ll set my own. You shouldn’t be surprised to find out that I’m too uncomfortable with myself to want something that intimate. Not that I wouldn’t let you have your sweet way with me one day, but.” Tyler smacked a kiss on Josh’s cheek. “...only if that’s what you wanted.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Josh grumbled, closing his computer and putting it back on his desk so that he could properly sit on Tyler’s lap and wrap his arms around his neck.

“How so?” Tyler asked, one brow raised curiously and the corner of his mouth twitching with a slight smile.

“Even a poor sap like me would love to have you in every possible way. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

A deep blush rose on Tyler’s neck and cheek under Josh, giving him a good opportunity to kiss the beautiful boy’s forehead and re-adjust himself on Tyler’s lap, deliciously sweet and loving and still so innocent. “I don’t know what you think I want from you. To feast your organs? To bang like bunnies? I just want _you_ , Josh, and if that means your liver stays intact, then so be it. I hope you don’t see me as some sort of malicious sexual predator.”

“‘Course not.” Josh scoffed. “But, like, if you want all that, I’ll give it to you, but I can’t say I want the same in all of the same ways, you know?”

“I know, J.” Tyler sighed. He brushed a few stray hairs behind Josh’s ear. “Thanks for talking to me about this. I get that you were scared that it would be awkward, or a deal-breaker, or whatever, but even though we’ve only been dating for a month or so, we’ve been best friends for a lot longer than that. That’s what really counts here.”

“Yeah.” Josh breathed out slowly. “You’re right. I’m supposed to be good at communication and you’re supposed to be the slightly stubborn one, dammit. When did you become so… open?”

“I guess you just bring out the best in me.” Tyler smiled softly. “Things were so hard before I met you. I was so alone and I was just generally angry at the world. You’ve taught me that being kind and patient turns out better in the long run.”

“God, we are sappy.”

Tyler let loose his utterly beautiful, genuine laugh that threw his head back and scrunched up his eyes in laughter. Josh, too, was thrown into a fit of giggles, one hand clutching his mouth to try and stifle the embarrassing noises. “Now you’re just laughing at me!” He accused Tyler.

“Sorry!” The other boy shrieked with a grin. “You’re just- you’re a _sap_ , you great big tree-hugger!”

“Ok, no, I hugged _you_ , then you slipped away! Stop teasing me for that!” Josh protested. He pushed Tyler’s chest and climbed off the boy, crossing his arms in defiance. “No touching for you.”

“I’m hurt.” Tyler whined. Josh gave in after a few more seconds and pressed in close to the other boy. He laid his head on Tyler’s shoulder and let his still-fragile eyes peacefully flutter closed.

He still had some sort of soul-searching to do, but at least he knew that he wasn’t alone and he wasn’t some loose bolt of a completed machine.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr: pinkstationfrerard
> 
> My Instagram: @glitter.bowie
> 
> Thank you guys for all of the feedback!! :)


	7. Close Your Eyes

“Oh, honey, you look so handsome!” Tyler’s mom exclaimed as his father fixed Tyler’s tie, a proud look on his face. He wasn’t one to be vocal about his pride, but Tyler could see it in his eyes, as clear as day.

“Yeah, you look great, courtesy of me, baby bro.” Zack, Tyler’s brother, said with a boastful puff of his chest as he looked Tyler up and down.

“Thank you for that. You do remember that I’m older than you, though, right?” Tyler questioned. Zack rolled his eyes and continued grooming Tyler’s hair, as he’d done for the past hour, much his the older brother’s dismay. “I think it’s good, dude.”

“Ooooooooh you look so cute!” Madison squealed from the corner of the room, where she stood with with clasped hands. “Josh is going to swoon once he sees you.”

“Maybe.” Tyler shrugged noncommittally, a quiet smile teasing at the corner of his mouth. “Thanks, sis.”

“‘Course.”

“Where’s Jay? I want a family photo!” Mrs.Joseph exclaimed. “Jay! Get out here.”

“Hon, it’s Tyler’s prom, not everyone else’s.” Tyler’s dad said with a critical look.

Mrs.Joseph huffed and handed her husband a camera. “Fine, you take the photo, then. I want to just get a few pictures of the kids before Josh gets here. Everyone! Jay! Go by the staircase, come on, let’s go.” Mrs.Joseph herded the four siblings to the staircase and then spent the next five minutes arranging them into flattering poses. They spent another five on top of that just trying to get a picture, since apparently Tyler looked “pained” in each one and because Jay kept making funny faces and bunny ears behind Madison’s head. It was pretty funny, in Tyler’s opinion, but it also meant that Josh and his parents arrived to hear Mrs.Joseph saying, “you kids drive me to drink!” in an exasperated tone of voice.

“Okay, okay, enough, the rest of you guys at least get out of the shot.” Tyler’s dad called out as he walked briskly to the door. Tyler looked down at himself for a final once-over. His red tie was straight, his jacket fitted well and pulled tight and buttoned at the bottom. His dress shoes were shiny and laced properly, and his hair was in a tight, hairsprayed and slightly uncomfortable style that hopefully looked halfway decent.

Tyler wasn’t sure why he was so nervous. After all, it was just Josh. Josh, who walked through the door looking perfect with his well-fitted suit and hair that thankfully remained untouched at the hands of his own family, unlike Tyler. Their eyes met, and Josh seemed to do a double-take as his gaze followed Tyler up and down.

“Hi.” Tyler said shyly as he stood up from his place at the bottom of the steps. “Hi, Mr. and Mrs.Dun.” Josh stood in front of him, almost at eye level except for the slight advantage Josh had over him. Damn estrogen.

“You look… very good.” Josh coughed as he took one of Tyler’s hands.

“Just good?”

“Out of this world, Joseph.”

“That’s more like it. You’re not so bad yourself, pretty boy.” Tyler whispered, his cheeks tinged pink.

Josh squeezed his hand back before he turned to face Tyler’s parents. “So, uh, pictures?”

Mrs.Joseph clapped her hands together. “Yes! Okay, Josh, how about you and just your parents first? Come over here…” Tyler tore himself away from his mother’s voice and settled on watching Josh as he smiled that gorgeous, devastatingly handsome grin of his. That boy was too photogenic for his own good.

Josh met his gaze and threw a few winks throughout the duration of his family photos, but other than that, it went alot smoother than Tyler’s own experience with his dysfunctional family. Before he knew it, Josh had an arm wrapped around his lower back and they were subjected to various horrible couple-y prom photos, which were wonderfully cliche and, of course, too hilarious to take seriously. Tyler’s mom gave up after a while and sent the boys off with Josh’s parents car to drive to the hotel where the event was hosted. The rest of that ordeal went smoothly, since Tyler was a pro at making small talk with Josh’s parents. He also happened to be really good at discreetly running his hands down Josh’s thigh to link their hands together, a strong grip that lasted throughout the entire car ride and continued once they walked into the building.

Tyler was mesmerized by the building’s interior. There were flashy, glittering lights strung across marble arches and polished trims that stretched along a twisting staircase that led down to the dining room where they were headed. The stairs stood in the middle of what appeared to be a restaurant, which was adorned with hanging lanterns and gorgeous potted plants that filled every corner with awe.

“Wow, it’s beautiful.” Tyler gasped.

“Yeah,” Josh paused to look at Tyler’s fascinated expression, “it is.”

Tyler turned to smack him in the arm, possibly a little too hard, but he deserved it. “Tree sap, Dun. That was straight out of a romance movie. Watch it.”

“You like it.” Josh snickered. He took Tyler’s hand and walked him down the curved stairs, all the way down to the ballroom filled with many other students from their school. “Let’s go find Pete and Patrick.”

“Oh, and Hayley. She wanted to say hi.”

With a bit of searching, Josh and Tyler finally managed to find all of their table buddies and settle down after taking one big funny group photo, complete with viking hats, scarves, and the rest of the works. Once the line for couple photos went down and most people were busy eating, Tyler and Josh got in line to pick a pose.

“Oh, gosh, look at this one. It’s so awkward, but it’s kind of cute.” Josh cooed.

Tyler nodded. “It’s the one. Let’s go with a light red background, too, to complete the aesthetic. I think we look cool with matching red ties, don’t you think?”

“Totally.” Josh agreed with a grin as he filled out the form right before they were ushered onto a marked spot, where Josh stood behind Tyler and held each of his arms over his own, his head crooked into his partner’s neck. They were holding each other in a slightly uncomfortable and incredibly cheesey embrace for a moment to be captured forever, and Tyler absolutely loved it.

“God, I can’t believe we did that.” Tyler giggled as he pulled Josh to the line of food. Josh returned the warm laughter and gave Tyler a plate for him, earning a polite thank you in return.

“To be honest, I’ve wanted to do that for forever. Kind of ever since I realized I liked you, actually. I can’t wait to put that picture in my wallet.” Josh admitted timidly.

“I’d kiss you right now, but there just so happens to be a table of food in between us.”

“...And a whole junior and senior class watching us, since we’re the star unconventional couple of the year.”

“You’re not wrong.”

After a heaping plate of food, a slightly upset stomach, and an abundance of flirting with Josh, Tyler was more than ready to get up and dance with his friends to the lowest hit songs of the hip/hop R&B-steered decade.

Tyler stood up from his seat and outstretched a hand to Josh. “...Wanna dance?”

“Oh, hell yes.” Josh grinned and grasped Tyler’s hand tightly as the shorter boy led him through crowds of people and right to the dance floor, with the rest of their friends following close after. Josh was an absolute dork when it came to dancing-more correctly, he didn’t quite know how to do it. He awkwardly swayed his hips and moved his arms in various directions, in good synch, of course. It was like organized chaos.

Granted, Tyler wasn’t much of a dancer himself, so it wasn’t like he could make fun of Josh too much. It seemed perfect that they both had no idea what to do with themselves, so Tyler gently placed his hands on Josh’s shoulders and moved them into a mirror-like pattern of swaying from side to side. Josh had just started to get the hang of it when the music slowed down into something softer, something more sweet and romantic. Josh tentatively glanced at Tyler for some sort of approval, and Tyler huffed and pulled Josh in so that the red-haired boy’s hands laid firmly on his hips.

Tyler realized how great cliches truly were in that moment. There was a reason people were obsessed with romance, with finding the one- Tyler couldn’t think of any other time he’d been as truly happy as he was when he was dancing to slow music with Josh wrapped around him and his partner’s head nestled into the groove of his neck. Tyler closed his eyes and felt the air grow softer around him. For a second, it felt like they were the only two people left on the planet, right in that fragment of time.

Tyler supposed that this was what love probably felt like. He wasn’t sure what specific kind of love, exactly, but he couldn’t deny the significance of the warmth in his heart or the way he couldn’t help but smile when he was with Josh. He really was the best version of himself when he was with the other boy, and all of the worries and the dysphoria that stayed constant in his mind melted away for a bit when he was with the drummer.

After that split second of time where everything seemed glittery and airborne was over, Tyler landed back to reality when he opened his eyes and stared at Josh’s freckles and that little glint in his eye that Tyler had grown to love more than almost anything.

He felt like he wanted to say something to voice all of his emotions, but Tyler couldn’t quite find the words, especially after the dancing music started up again and all of his thoughts were drowned out by the loud noise.

“Hey!” Pete yelled into Tyler’s ear. “Are you coming over with us once this is over?”

Tyler shuddered from the stress on his poor, fragile eardrums. “Yeah! Sure.”

“Cool!” Pete shouted before he joined a dance circle to try (and fail at) doing the worm.

“Gosh, my friends are so weird.” Josh snickered. “Wanna go sit?”

Tyler nodded and watched the rest of the night unfold with his best friend by his side, all the way until they had to catch a ride back to Pete’s house for the prom after party with Pete, Hayley, Patrick, Gabe, and Hayley’s friends Taylor and Jeremy. Tyler didn’t know half of them very well, so he felt a little cautious about sleeping over with all of them, but he couldn’t help but laugh at all of Gabe’s stupid jokes and Patrick’s sarcasm and feel a little better about everything at the same time.

“Bring on the shots!” Hayley exclaimed enthusiastically as soon as the door to Pete’s room was shut. Gabe rolled his eyes and grabbed a couple bottles of fruity vodka from Pete’s sock drawer and opened the bottle. Tyler felt a little strange being around people drinking when that wasn’t really one of his interests, but things only seemed to get funnier as Pete got drunker and his jokes got dumber.

“You’re not gonna drink?” Tyler asked Josh quietly.

“Nah. I can’t handle my liquor very well, and I’d rather not be hungover tomorrow, I have work.” Josh said, shaking his head. “You?”

“My crazy uncle is an ex-alcoholic. I’m not very open to the idea quite just yet. Maybe another time, I guess.”

“Looks like we’re the only sober birds, then.” Josh laughed under his breath as Hayley stood up on wobbly legs to turn up the music and start dancing. Everyone cheered her on until she started to look queasy, causing a worried Tyler to take her to the bathroom just in case. Other than that, though, there were no incidents, and Tyler began to grow tired around midnight.

“Pete? Hey, Pete? _Peter Lewis_!” Tyler shouted until Pete finally looked his way. “Do you have a room i can crash in?”

Pete grinned a wicked, mischievous leer of sorts and unsteadily pointed to the door. “Second door on the left. That’s where you and Jooooosh can… sleep. Sleeping optional.” Pete let out a few snorts of laughter at his own comment, apparently finding it funnier than it actually was, and Tyler decided to just play nice instead of letting his tired emotions get the best of him. He looked towards Josh with a slightly concerned look, but he seemed mostly amused and not as bothered as Tyler had expected him to be. Sometimes he forgot he had less of a sexual repulsion and more of a noncommittal view on the whole subject. Thankfully, Josh never took the mix-ups to heart.

“Thanks, Pete. For everything. And you guys, too, tonight was great. Josh, are you ready to go or…?”

“Yeah. I’m exhausted after all that dancing.” Josh said quickly with a nod of his head. They said goodnight to everyone before finding the room Pete had been talking about, which was a small, neat guest room with a queen-sized bed and a simple lamp that Tyler turned on before evaluating his clothing situation.

It had never felt weird to be just sleeping with Josh, but Tyler always felt weird about taking his binder off in front of other people. It just wasn’t something he felt comfortable with, but he knew Josh understood that, so Tyler felt kind of obligated to go for comfort instead of the other way around.

“I’m gonna change really quick here.”

“Me too.” Josh said from behind him. Tyler stripped off his dress shirt, his binder, his already-loose tie along with his dress pants so that he was left in his boxers. “Uh, Josh, you don’t happen to have an extra shirt? My dress shirt is kinda tight and I’d rather not sleep in it.” Tyler groaned as he wrapped his arms uncomfortably around his chest. Josh remained wordless, even after a smooth fabric landed softly on Tyler’s shoulders. Tyler craned his neck to see a shirtless Josh stepping into bed, only wearing his festive candy cane boxers.

“Thanks.” Tyler whispered graciously. He pulled on the shirt and admired how it was just a little big on him- Josh wasn’t much taller, but he was definitely broader and more built than Tyler’s thin frame.

And oh my, was Josh _broad._ Tyler wanted to touch those shoulders all over, in just an exploratory way. Josh worked out and practiced playing the drums pretty regularly, so he was fit and so gorgeous it kind of hurt. “That’s not fair.” Tyler pouted as he climbed into bed and under the covers to face Josh on his side.

“What is?”

“You.”

“Oh, hush.” Josh dismissed Tyler with a wave of his hands. “You’re the one who makes me look gross by comparison.”

“Am not!” Tyler protested. He hooked one of his ankles around Josh’s calf and scooted closer to the other boy into a proximity where their breath almost mingled together in the same air space. “Why don’t you wear a shirt less around me more often, pretty boy? I like the view.” Tyler said with a slight blush. Josh returned the look and shifted into Tyler’s form.

“Because I, for one, am super modest and I don’t just assume you want me to walk around half-naked purely for your self-indulgence.”

“Well, I wouldn’t complain if you did.” Tyler grumbled. Josh hummed and leaned forward and rubbed their noses together gently, his nose ring bumping the side of Tyler’s cheek. Tyler gave in and beckoned his head against Josh’s chest for a moment in a sort of side hug before he pulled back to look at Josh again. “Thanks for being my prom date.”

“Ditto.”

“Also, thanks for being you.”

“Sappy.”

“Oh, sue me.” Tyler sighed with most of the pep out of his voice. He felt like saying something else until the appeal of sleep tugged at him and Tyler was left mumbling out a soft “goodnight”. Tyler fell asleep with his legs entwined with Josh’s and both of their heads facing right towards each other, almost as if they fell asleep mid-sentence while talking to one other, just another moment captured in a picture-perfect frame.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr: pinkstationfrerard
> 
> My Instagram: @glitter.bowie
> 
> Thank you guys so much for all of the kind feedback!!


	8. P.S I really do

Class was going by slowly. Very, very,  _ very  _ slowly, and every second was like prolonged torture to Tyler. The fact that it was P.E made it even worse- it was supposed to be fun, but Tyler hated locker rooms and sweating in public and pretty much everything to do with physical education. He wouldn’t even be in the class along with all of the underclassmen if he hadn’t been so late on registering for his electives.

Lucky for him, Josh got placed in that period as well. Unlucky for him, he was in a different class and doing a totally different activity at the moment. Tyler had actually kind of looked forward to sneaking off and hanging with Josh and avoiding class, but his new gym teacher started called role in the middle of the period ever since she realized that people liked to cut class more often than not. Tyler couldn’t fail an easy class like P.E or his parents would have a fit.

A quick rush of blonde caught Tyler’s attention out from the corner of his eye. Jenna, one of his more distant friends, had run up to Tyler’s gym while eyeing him out of the corner of her eye. The teacher didn’t seem to notice Jenna glancing Tyler’s way, but Tyler certainly did and he approached Jenna once his teacher had started jogging off towards the other class. “Jenna? What’s going on?”

“U-uh.” Jenna fumbled awkwardly. “It’s your boyfriend. We were playing soccer, and he must’ve tripped on someone’s leg, and he flipped backwards and hit his head, and then the land messed up his ankle… Mr.Wong wanted me to get Mrs.Silvester, since she has a bit more medical background?”

“They aren’t going to take him to the health room?” Tyler gawked. Josh was hurt, oh god. He had to go help. “Where is he?”

“Soccer field out back. I think they’re going to make sure he doesn’t have a concussion first-” Tyler had already started sprinting away to the field, abandoning his racket and his bored tennis team.

Out in the field, Mr.Wong was pushing students back while Mrs.Silvester hunched over what was clearly Josh’s form, which was frighteningly still and unmoving. Tyler ran as fast as he could, ignoring the protests from the teachers. “Joseph, what are you-”

“Josh.  _ Josh.”  _ Tyler said frantically as he rubbed Josh’s shoulder quickly. “Oh my god.”

“Tyler, I need you to back off. Josh needs to breathe.” Mrs.Silvester said calmly. Tyler sat up straight and examined Josh a little more carefully, noticing the steady movement of his chest and the quiet fluttering of his eyelashes. “He’s fine, I just asked him to lay still while I check his ankle.”

“Hey, Ty.” Josh croaked as his eyes slowly slid open before they fell back down again. “Ow.”

“Just push through for a minute, Josh.” Mrs.Silvester said as she gently touched Josh’s ankle. Tyler gripped Josh’s hand tightly and watched her movements like a hawk, ready to stop her if she hurt him too much. Josh closed his eyes again, appearing woozy and sleepy. Tyler knew that that couldn’t be a good sign.

A gentle hand settled itself on the back of Tyler’s neck, on the soft bones of his spine. “Tyler, Why don’t you give Mrs.Silvester and Josh some space? I know you’re worried, but you can help bring him to the front of the school. We called an ambulance. A doctor is going to check him and he’ll be just fine.”

Tyler sighed and failed to wipe the worried look off of his face, but he reluctantly stood up and backed up a few steps. Jenna walked up to join the class, shooting Tyler a sympathetic look out of the corner of her eye.

“Tyler.” The gym teacher called out after a minute. “Can you scoop Josh up by his left shoulder? I’ll get the other side.” Tyler nodded and eagerly slid his arms under Josh’s armpit and pulled as hard as he could, which wasn’t very strong considering that Mrs.Silvester was doing most of the work. They gradually made their way to the front of the school, Tyler wheezing a bit as he walked. “Are you ok, Tyler?” his teacher asked with a worried gaze as they sat a groaning Josh down on a bench.

“Just…” Tyler breathed in a few rapid breaths. “...out...of shape.”

Mrs.Silvester huffed. “Considering your performance in my class, that makes sense. Thanks for helping me. The ambulance should be here in a few minutes, would you excuse me for a second? I need to remind Mr.Wong to contact Josh’s parents. He’s rather forgetful.”

“Of course.” Tyler nodded as his teacher walked away. Tyler sat down next to Josh and softly took his hand, a little surprised that his teacher had left the two of them alone, not that he was complain. “Oh, Josh. Are you ok?”

Josh hadn’t been very vocal on the walk to the side of the road, and he turned towards Tyler a little groggily. “My head hurts?” He said in a confused tone of voice, as if he wasn’t exactly sure of what he had just said. He tilted his head and rested it on Tyler’s shoulder. “You’re so strong, baby boy.”

“I could barely carry you, Josh.”

“So… strong.”

“Okay.” Tyler giggled, resisting the urge to pet Josh’s head, since he had a concussion and all and Tyler really didn’t want to do any more damage than what was already done. Within the next minute, Mrs.Silvester returned to the pair of boys and an ambulance pulled into the front of the school. Josh was peeled off of Tyler’s side and put into the car, leaving Tyler feeling a little stranded and definitely worried. He was tempted to make a run for it and jump into the ambulance and follow Josh to the hospital, but he wasn’t so sure the doctors would appreciate that very much.

“Tyler, let’s get back to class, the bell is going to ring soon. I’ll just give everyone a good score for today after all that happened.” Tyler let out a sigh and followed his teacher, parting ways once he got to the locker room to change in his usual bathroom stall. That day, he didn’t even have time to feel dysphoric, since he was too caught up in worrying about Josh. 

Once the bell rang for lunch, Tyler called his mom to tell her what happened and ask her to take him to the hospital after school. She told him that Mrs.Dun had already called and offered to bring Tyler with them, so Tyler mentally prepared himself for his next classes. It seemed so far away, but time passed faster than Tyler had originally thought and he was on his way to the hospital before he could blink.

Tyler stood back while Josh’s parents cooed and worried, watching Josh do his best to comfort them, even though he was the one who’d hit his head and messed up his ankle. “So, Josh, I don’t know what you remember since the doctor said you hit your head pretty hard, but Tyler was very heroic. He carried you out to the ambulance, and really fast, too. Mrs.Silvester was impressed.”

“Well-” Tyler interrupted. Mrs.Silvester must’ve left out the part where they both carried Josh, for some reason, but he liked this rendition a bit more. He did sound kind of badass this way. “-yeah.”

“So romantic.” Josh laughed, sounding a little drained, but he still had that familiar and warm smile on his weary face. “Thanks, babe.”

Tyler ducked his head as he blushed. “It was no problem.”

“Tyler’s doing a pretty good job of taking care of you, huh? You gotta stop injuring yourself, Josh.” Mr.Dun cooed as he pet Josh’s hair. The bright-haired boy closed his eyes and practically purred in response. Tyler was left very red, but pretty satisfied to be seen as some version of a hero. If only he’d had the strength to carry Josh bridal-style, that would’ve been even better.

“He is.” Josh whispered before slipping off into a light sleep. The Dun family and Tyler were kicked out of the room soon after, since Josh needed to sleep and heal. He was going to have to wear a cast for a couple of months, according to Josh’s parents, but at least he didn’t need surgery. Tyler felt relieved knowing that he’d get to be a romantic hero for a little longer. 

 

~*~

 

“Okay, Tyler, seriously, you have to get to class, you don’t have to help me with  _ every  _ time I have to go up stairs.”

“Who else would carry your crutches? Come on.” Tyler said with a roll of his eyes. The corner of Josh’s mouth quirked in a tiny smile, and he quickly made his way up the stairs to class. Once Tyler walked him in, he quickly jogged to his next class, barely making it within the bell rang. He’d insisted on being Josh’s own personal assistant while he had to keep his cast on, which was supposed to come off next week, which they were both looking forward to. Tyler liked being romantic but he didn’t like having to run to every class and having to deal with Josh insisting that he was fine on his own when he really did need someone to help him hop up all of the annoyingly steep stairs.

**Josh:**

_ my mom said I can get the cast off today!!!! lets pls do something tonight to celebrate this thing has been so annoying  _

Tyler grinned and eagerly texted Josh back.

**I already have a whole plan :))**

 

~*~

 

Tyler picked up Josh in his mom’s car as the sun was starting to go down over the buildings, and they drove through a mix of dark shadows and bright sunlit streets to one of Tyler’s favorite places to watch the sunset. He’d found the hill while skating a couple of years ago, and no one else seemed to go there. It was in the middle of a cute suburban neighborhood, and the tree rested on top of hill. It was the perfect place for a picnic celebrating Josh’s newly found freedom of his foot. The giant cast had made cuddling a little difficult, after all, so they had some makeup work to do.

They had a pretty good view of their hometown from the hill, and Josh swore he could tell out his house from the others, although Tyler claimed that it was in a completely different direction. 

They snacked on sandwiches and crackers until the sun disappeared completely and the sky lit up in shades of pink and orange and eventually a dark blue. Tyler turned on a few fake candles as the light faded and the city started to glow with man-made light. Tyler rested against Josh, who was leaning against the tree with a satisfied look on his face.

“You know.” Josh began as he reached a hand up to scratch at Tyler’s scalp. “I’m not sure if I had any idea of the things we’d go through together when we became friends at first, but I’m really glad it worked out that way.”

“Me too.” Tyler said gently as he grabbed Josh’s hand. “I’m really glad I know you, Jish.” 

Josh kissed the top of Tyler’s head and thumbed his hand gently. “I love you, you know that, right?”

“I know. Ditto.” 

Josh chuckled. “Maybe say it back.”

Tyler groaned and turned around so he was sitting on Josh’s face and holding the other boy’s face in his heads. “Joshua Dun.” he paused to look deeply in his boyfriend’s eyes, “I love you too.”

  
Josh closed the distance between them and kissed Tyler softly. “P.S.” he whispered, “I  _ really _ love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for everything! Sorry it took so long to upload this chapter, I think that in the back of my head I knew that it was going to be the last one and I didn't have the heart to close it all off. I hope you all enjoyed the story and the ending! I know it may feel kinda short and rushed, but I don't think doing it any other way would've made me any happier w it.
> 
> My tumblr: pinkstationfrerard


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